I see no point in my existence. I was not wanted at birth, nor am I wanted now. WHY couldn’t I have just been fucking aborted? Would’ve saved me a lifetime of suffering.
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I know the feeling. My mother used to tell me I was an accident and that if she could’ve spoke English sooner she would’ve gotten an abortion. I don’t know how old you are but for me life got better once I went to college and moved out. I grew up in a toxic environment but once you get on your own things can get better. Life is hard though. Now I’m 40 and life has gotten pretty hopeless again.
What happened?
I mean. I’ve read your posts, but there is always something more, one thing that one keeps thinking over and over again. ..
Idk
It’s a long story. Right now I’m dealing with unemployment and med withdrawal but it’s so much more than that. Apparently I’m attracted to sociopaths and I’ve been in terrible relationships. At the end of the day I’m just lonely and I feel that life has no meaning. Im terrified of becoming homeless because I will run out of money soon. Im also terrified of dying alone because the only men I attract are seriously bad. I attract violent people. Maybe because I had a violent childhood? Idk. We are supposed to overcome our past but is it possible?
Ok there must be this really interesting guy out there than seems to be really rude and that is going to call your attention, but he is going to be a nice guy, one of those who like reading and thinking. And he is going to be a nice partner.
See it doesn’t even sounds near imposible.
40s are the new 20s so I guess it’s a matter of waiting. This week everything has been telling me you shouldn’t look for anyone but that the people that must come will come.
I hate waiting.
I know nothing.
But I do think we can overcome our past,by changing our daily customs: like changing the places we visit, the things we eat, what we read and watch….
I am trying it this days…
Yeah, I did grow up in a shitty toxic environment, and as soon as I was old enough, I got the fuck out. And things did get better. But then the past always catches up with you. I got sick, first at 17, then the hospitalizations began at 23. A lifetime of malnutrition and neglect had caught up with me. THEN I had the misfortune of being hit by a car at 28 which fucked up my spine. So now I”m completely fucked. I feel like I never had a fucking chance.
If it was just an abusive childhood, ok, as bad as that was, I could deal with it. But my problems are current, in the here and now. So it’s not really possible for me to “get over it.” So I’m in my 30s and like you, I’m pretty hopeless again too.
Whenever I hear someone speculate about never being born, it always reminds me of this:
“A professor in a college ethics class presented his students with a problem. He said, “A man has syphilis and his wife has tuberculosis. They have had four children: one has died, the other three have what is considered to be a terminal illness. The mother is pregnant. What do you recommend?” After a spirited discussion, the majority of the class voted that she should abort the child. “Fine,” said the professor. “You’ve just killed Beethoven.” “
Beethoven would have been thankful… probably (jk)
You just blew my mind, Cordless. I love it.
I think Beethoveen would have been born regardless. The world needed his soul here. Similarly I think I would have been born regardless as would all of you as well. Each of you is needed here. The world wouldn’t be the same without each of you and there is no way to really tease out where all you folks end and I begin.
:,( This makes me want to cry.. Thanks.. I know it doesn’t pertain to me, but I needed to hear that…
This is really sweet. 🙂
Yeah but had Beethoven wanted to be born? He was bipolar. He was a musical genius, but then again, some of the most brilliant people- scientists, inventors, philosophers, artists, composers, writers, actors- were the most fucking depressed and miserable people out there.
If it weren’t for depressed people, our measly humankind would still be in the stone ages. And yet, depressed and bipolar conditions are NEVER given any positive recognition, only negative. And we are forced to hide our true selves from the world. THAT is what this world is.
I agree completely that amazing creativity comes from depressed and miserable people.
Suffering seems to make incredible art.
And it’s also a rotten truth that depressed/bipolar conditions rarely receive positive recognition for it, possibly because it draws attention to depressed and miserable people.
That makes more suffering, which in turn inspires more art.
It’s a vicious circle which just keeps spinning and spinning.
It’s an interesting paradox that the rotten world is made more tolerable by the beautiful creations of depressed artists who would like to leave it.
And then there are people like me who are depressed AND miserable, but have no artist talent. Bah!
If I’m gonna be depressed and miserable, I should have been given some talent at least!!
Ir seems yo u are good at writing
I used to love writing, but my passion for that had been killed by someone (long story). And believe me, I had tried long and hard to get that “zest” back.
What kind of writing did you enjoy?
Poetry, comedy, short stories, novels…?
Historical, science fiction, horror, romance, teen fiction, fantasy….?
And yet, having said that, I still have to admit I understand what it is like not to feel wanted.
I do hate that feeling. 🙁
***sniff sniff***
I know, right?
Here, have a drink.
Can’t have alcohol, but I guess I’ll have to settle for a drink…of almond milk 😛
Are you trying to get me drunk?? You know I am that sort of boy..
Cordless, nice new photo by the way ^_^
I heard that human Iife is tragic because men don’t ask to born, know not how to live and then don’t want to die. And I think it gets more tragic when you add the people around them and all the lies and rules they invent.
So I don’t have much to say except that it is a common thing. Must of us were unwanted or unexpected, And it suckss.
It’s as if we were created out of caos to never stop being part of it.
The sad thing is, that other people were wanted. Just not me.
Can it be changed? The status of being an ‘unwanted”?
Maybe you can’t make your parents want you as we can’t change the past. But is there anything that may change that feeling?
The problem is that I can’t seem to make friends or find a good relationship with someone. So familial unwantedness aside, my feeling of being unwanted is now the rest of the world- feels like no one wants to be my friend- my REAL friend. And forget relationships. I just have lost hope 🙁
Maybe relationships aren’t meant to last forever. Maybe that’s just some idea our culture invented out of Socrates rant about the soul. And truth is must relationships are just meant to last a few moments. Maybe it’s not that we aren’t able to have a relationship of any kind with others, but that we developed very short cycles of relating. So there is nothing wrong with you, it’s just that we are all meant to keep building new relationships every few moments. And the more you keep trying to built one, the greater the chances to have a more peaceful understanding of relationships and of yourself…. And even when some other people keep long relationships we don’t know the details and the truths behind it or their stories…. And everyone works in a different way so there is a possibility that a few people do have the patience to built longer relations but they may be the exception and not the rule…
Ok, now I am going in circles… it’s just that you shouldn’t worry so much about how things went until now, there are hundreds of ways to read things
hm, interesting hypothesis. maybe bc everyone has ADHD now, “cycles of relating” as you call it, has become increasingly shortened.
but either way, i have no real friends and am very lonely 🙁
Hi (waves to bah)
Hi ho!
I wish i had been aborted
me2. It all seems so pointless and full of misery to me.
youtube.com/watch?v=L2Wx230gYJw
lol
I feel the same way. I was never wanted and I was treated like shit my whole childhood and my life has been a mess. I can hardly believe I have made it to my 40’s
me either. i *was* doing alright for a while, but me thinks i’ve finally lost me marbles.