I have been a cluster survivor since 1984, episodic for the first 25 years and chronic for the last 6, since 2009.
Nothing can be done for the pain …… main aim is to control the attacks (4-6 a day at the moment) and the duration.
Suicidal thoughts are never far away ….. but every day and sometimes several times a day ….. I get through it to fight another battle with this terrible illness.
I surround myself with pictures of the people I love and all the reasons to stay alive ……. and for me it works, well up to now anyway.
Constant stress over mortgage payments etc.. just add to the general depression along with the illness.
I’m confident I won’t take my own life ….. but pray every night not to wake up to the same pain and desperate situation I find myself in.
Don’t really know why I’m here writing this ?? maybe it’s another form of release that will help me battle this demon.
2 comments
I like the artwork that you posted. It links up perfectly with your issues. Its very expressive!
I am sorry to hear about this condition that you suffer… and that it actually is painful enough to cause you to be suicidal over it. Yes money issues can also be stressful. I have a painful condition and issues with finances as well… so I kind of know where you are at.
I know its not easy. I don’t know what else to tell you other then to just say that you are not alone in your suffering and with your struggles. I hope that somehow something will come along to ease your suffering and that somehow you will ind peace.
I wish you well.
I’ve read research that Psilocybin mushrooms (shroomz) can alleviate cluster headache symptoms. Are you familiar with it at all?