One of the best advices I can give you is this: Don’t have high expectations or dreams, because the more you have them, the more you will be fond of them. And when something doesn’t go as planned, boy you will fall hard.
My last dream was going to Canada this summer with my friends. I don’t know why I had a dream of such magnitude when everything else I have dreamed of has failed utterly, but still I did like an innocent child. Of course thinga never go as you want to. So now everybody is going to Canada but me. All I can do is fake a huge smile and tell them to have fun and don’t worry about me. In the end they will forget I even exist, like always. As if I needed to be reminded that I’m all alone again.
I mean, it’s not the first time that I’m left behind, and I sure was hoping to be used to this by now, but it hurts like the first time. Or even more. I will stay locked in my crumbling home inside the hell within my mind until summer ends. 2 fucking months. I don’t know how much will I last.
I just hope it’s not much. I just wish I die in my sleep or something. Or going numb. Completely numb. That would be okay too. *sigh*
I wonder if I can escape this nightmare someday…
3 comments
🙁 That sucks. Why can’t you go?
No money, didn’t get the passport as it was planned…
I can relate to this very much.. It’s always harder being the person left behind. That’s always me. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Some people learn from their mistakes and others don’t. I’ll probably keep getting my hopes up just for them to be broken down, so I can continue to fall into the hole of self loathing and self pity. But maybe there’s no winning situation here. If you get your hopes up, you’ll more often be disappointed than happy, and if you never have hope, what’s the point in going on?