Things saturate eventually, and you go beyond them. Until that happens, you’re stuck. I’m stuck. Living dying who cares. My life has been upside down. I attained first what people attain last. I don’t think I know a single person in physical life who has even come across, let alone grasped/understood/solved, questions I was dealing with at the age of 16. And now I’m trying to attain what they attained at first – a place in the world. Yes, I’m trying to become part of the world. Because there is nothing else to do. Because survival. Because all my characteristics/desires/things that defined “me”, were temporary. Are temporary. “Human mind is infinitely malleable.” So is his self, his soul. What a facade.
Honesty I still love, but for how long. A childlike innocence I still melt for, but for how long. There is some honesty even in hypocrisy. I was once part of them and can still recall glimpses of that state of mind and so know it. But what does it matter.
I have lost my guilt, my immaturity, my seeking- and burning suffering arising from it. But I’m no longer the one who was experiencing all these things. I’ve changed, and so can’t enjoy their overcoming. Maybe I never was, maybe I’m not am even now. What’s all this? Just a facade.
1 comment
I wouldn’t call it a facade. That’s how life is, changing constantly, and us trying to adapt to it. If we were born, lived, and then died staying exactly the same in exactly the same circumstances, life would be mindbogglingly boring. O and I’m glad to hear that you still love, hold onto that.