life in the toilet

Being stuck in the rut of finding life unbearable yet being afraid to die is the worst feeling I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m not a natural depressive, and I haven’t been suicidal until recently. I hate to call myself a victim of circumstance, but fuck me, there’s only so much bad luck you can have before you have to admit that’s what you are. My appearance seems to be going down the shitter, and that in itself I could deal with, I’m not a vain person, but the problem is it’s taking the rest of my existence with it. My friends suddenly don’t keep in touch anymore, romantic interest are a thing of the past, and even my immediate family have started to distance themselves. But the worst is the strangers, they let you know exactly what they think, either through words or expressions, and to make matters worse I work with the public. So I go to work and quickly become depressed with how people are treating me, come home and do nothing because I have no friends anymore, at night I’ll start to attempt suicide but fail miserably, then I’ll go to bed and wake in the morning with worst feeling of dread I can imagine exists, then I’ll go to work and have to deal with human beings and their awful nature all over again, all the while hating myself for not ending my miserable life the night before.