I’ve been on this site for a awhile now, but I just created an account and I guess this is where I’ll send my goodbyes to the world…
The past three days I was supposed to commit suicide. It ended up not happening, it almost did last night but my boyfriend ended up just talking to me like usual and I felt guilty for going to leave and have our last conversation be so boring. the two days before that I had set every detail in place, I’ve cleaned my room to the T and printed out all my suicide letters. I finished a lot of gifts I was going to give my boyfriend and I’ve told everyone I love them.
I left a lot of clues so they figure out my story, and how I lied to everyone.
I’ve stashed 40+ pills the last few months, and I have 10+ blades. I’ll do it in the middle of the night, so my mom will find me and not my sister. My last meal will be some Ice cream. My last words to everyone will be good night. I’ll probably fuck up my arms with cuts before I go, because I haven’t been able to do that since the hospital… I’ll message my older sister and older brother in the middle of the night before I do it. I’ll tell JA (my boyfriends initials) that I love him and I’ll tell him everything will be ok. I’ll kiss my puppy’s head and tell her goodnight.
I tried to get better I really did, I went so far and admitted myself to the hospital. I spent 11 days and nights in that hell hole and 2 days in partials. I went to an intensive out patient program for two months and have been going to therapy non stop. And yet… I’m still going to die. I tried really really hard, they told me if I reached out I’d be okay and I wouldn’t hurt anyone…liars. I fucked up my family even more… I never got better. I have been skipping my night meds the past few days, and I stopped telling them the truth a long time ago. No one knows that I hear voices now accept JA, but he thinks I got rid of them some how. The only thing they did was take away my freedom not the sadness. If I kept telling them I felt like shit, they would keep watching me and taking my liberties away. I’m not aloud to shave without someone watching me and it’s been MONTHS since I went to the hospital. “Once you get better, you’ll get these things back” Fuck you I never got my belts back or my razor. And in their eyes I’m 10000% clean. I wasn’t even known for cutting a lot, and I never hung my self. I fucking chose meds. And they sucked at keeping those away. slowly but surely I have gathered over time a crap ton of meds. A lot more than my first attempt. And its not just some advil, I have more ‘high risk’ stuff too. Any way it’s going to happen and if not tonight then within a week.
Goodbye world.
13 comments
Do not do it please! tell me what I can do for you not to do? Tell me, I want to help.
I’m so sorry, I tried so hard to live and be happy but nothing worked no one can help me anymore
You’re wrong, I can help, I can hear you, I can be your friend if you want. Just let me help you.
You are not going to overdose on pills
I’m so so sorry, I didn’t want to make anyone else feel bad. Don’t worry about me please I’m a lost cause no one can save me…
I won’t say don’t do it. That would be hypocritical since we all ended up here for pretty much the same reason. I will say be careful, and be very thorough. Do your research on the medication you plan to use. Most overdose attempts fail, It is very difficult to overdose successfully on most prescription medication. They are made in such a way as to be very difficult to overdose on. Even with something like ******** you take a huge dose something like 15g+. You would also need to take an antiemetic to prevent vomiting.
If you fail you will end up in the hospital getting your stomach pumped. You might cause organ damage which would make life suck even more. You would end up spending more time in a psych ward which you already said you hated.
I Have to say to you that your attempt will not work. 40+ pills will not kill you. If you take them you will probably pass out and then wake up with a sore stomach and a bad headache and then you will feel like crap for a few days.
I hope you can come to terms with what is bothering you and live.
oK
We are here to talk to you.
I do see your point, but I’m hopeful it will work, because my previous attempt was just nigh-quill and ibprophen and I almost died from that and it was not nearly 40 pills. Thankyou for trying to help me, but don’t worry about me. I’m a lost cause
Before committing crazy, you should always think about the people who love you, they will suffer for you. You must think of them before committing crazy. 🙁
I really hope you choose to stay tonight. Every depressed person has periods in their journey where they believe that they’ll never get better. But the truth is, so many of them do.
Goodnight dear
Hey guys, if you are reading this, I’ve been in the hospital for the past 24ish days and I’m alright
thankyou for your concerns <3
Wow, I’m happy you didn’t go through with it..
Or perhaps you did and weren’t successful??
I wish you well..