And think it was all one big joke? How many things you should’ve done differently? Every failure that happened in such quick succession?
I used to think my life was amazing. I loved it all. Now I’m here, cursing myself and every pathetic second I have ever been alive. If my congregation knew I felt this way they’d think I was crazy. Its sickening how overly giddy a lot of them are. Like seriously, do not hug me and look me in the eye and tell me you love me so much, you don’t even know me. Excuse me while I go vomit up the sunshine and rainbows you keep shoving down my throat. Bye.
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I once ate four bags of skittles and drank some Guinness. I think I was 16 or 17 at the time. If you ever do that, you’ll learn what being an Irish leprechaun really means, while tasting the rainbow twice.
Just, why? Yeah, I look back on my life occasionally and wonder where it all went wrong. Why did I have to be born into a plastic, artificial society like this, that depends so deeply on commercializing and monetizing every stupidly mundane thing into oblivion? Fuck you, karma.
Yes, I do look back on my life and wish that I had done a lot of things differently. I think most people go through that. Its a pretty common thing.
The reason why its easy to feel that way… is because we are just thrown into this life, and the moment we are thrown into this life we have NO experience dealing with life. We have to learn as we go. SO its easy to make mistakes. Its easy to get lazy and let some years slip by and then wake up later and kick ourselves in the ass and say. I should have done better with my time. I should have done this or that… or made better decisions. Well.
the truth is that there is no going back to the past. SO the best thing to do is to just put the past behind us…. whatever it may contain and just say. Well. Today is the start of the rest of my life… and just start making better choices in life and try to make things better for ourselves.
As far as people who don’t understand you. I have been there. I have been very depressed and suicidal at times… and other people have often thought down upon me… not being able to understand why I was like that. You have to just come to accept that some people don’t understand it. That’s is why a place like this SP forum can be very helpful. You can make friends with people who understand what you are going through and that can help relieve some of the stress. Keep on keeping on.
Try to get a positive view of your future > then take little steps to get there.
Believe that things can turn around > because they can.
I wish you the best