So recently, this appears to constantly happen to me apparently, I fell for a guy, we were literally only together for about a month and he made me feel some type of way for the first time in a very long time. I thought, this is it. I am happy and he’s the one. Till I found out everything he ever said to me was a lie and he threw me away for my friend like I was yesterdays trash.
Now normally I am an extremely strong person and I hold my own very well. No one will ever know how broken I am, nor do I ever depend on anyone to try and fix me. But he hurt me. A lot. I’m seriously struggling on how i can put myself back together after letting him absolutely ruin me. I feel disgusted with myself. I wish I could forget he even existed but I can’t. Before I even was with him, I knew I was falling apart, I was stressed everyday and sometimes couldn’t handle it. But now I find myself lost, unable to communicate, unable to get my real feelings out, and I am shutting away my life again. Why on earth did I begin cutting again? What can I gain from it? Why do I feel so numb? I’m not the type of person to speak to friends about my problems as I am extremely aware of all of theirs and would never wanna put my shit onto someone else.
I don’t know how to be strong again. I just don’t even wanna speak anymore. He’d always complain about how quiet I was and how shy. And now I am finding myself wishing I had no voice at all. I go to work and can’t even smile like I used to. I come home from work everyday, look at myself in the mirror and wish I saw something better. Maybe if I was skinnier or prettier, or talked more, maybe then I wouldn’t constantly get my heart ripped out. I cry everyday in the shower, so no one hears.
I wish it would end. I wish I had the strength and courage to do it. I need that push.
8 comments
Does your friend know you liked him? Thats not much of a friend if she did know. You shouldnt pay attention to him if he threw you to the side like that or let it ruin you. There are way better people out there that will cherish you in their life. You dont need someone who has brought you down to feel so low. Im sure there’s nothing wrong with who you are. You sound like a strong person. Don’t let people with trash personalities break you.
She knew I was dating him, and then he dumped me and the next day was hitting on her. She contacted me about it. It really set me off honestly. It made me feel he suddenly found better and no longer needed me for anything
This is a pretty good place to vent all that stuff that you feel like you cant dump on your friends. Some people are like that all they do is take whatever you will give them and use you untul they are ready to move on to their next victim. If anything you should be glad to be rid of him and that it was only a month. You shouldnt try to forget though. You need to remember that there are people like that out there. Hopefully you can avoid that kind of person in the future.
You’re absolutely right. I need to remember what I don’t deserve and how to see the signs. I’m incredibly thankful it was only a month, however it felt longer, I was really invested I guess.
Yea we can get really emotionally invested in people really fast. I think that is especially true for depressed people. You dont have a lot of happiness and you arent used to feeling happy. So when something comes along that makes you feel good, you get really attached to that one source of happiness really fast.
And even if he turned out to be an asshole at least it showed you that you are still capable of feeling joy that you said you hadnt felt in a long time.
Honestly that’s true. I think deep down, he was scared of being happy and in the end pushed me away, but I’m a reasonably person. If he had said that and expressed his concerns instead of just making excuses and treating me like trash, it would have been different, because now I’m unhappy as hell and wish the worst for him which I hate doing.
You have every right to wish the worst for him, after all not only did he break up with you but then got together with your friend right after. You dont need to make any excuses for him. He doesnt deserve them.