Today is August 15th, the date that I decided for my suicide.
I’m so scared, I don’t want to die. I have so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to read a couple of books and participate in a contest. I have beautiful friends and a reason to live. I got to see my reason to live today and I cried, too many emotions at the same time.
But the bullshit is greater than that, my lack of freedom, my parents that do disgusting things to me, a career I don’t care about, the lack of hope, I can’t anymore.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this, but if I don’t I’ll have to wait until next year?
I don’t know what to do, I can’t stop crying. I don’t want to die, but I can’t keep living anymore.
Today I cleaned my face and put on my best clothes, I tried to use cosplay make-up but I failed. I’m just too ugly. I wanted to feel a little bit better by cosplaying, but I can’t even do that. I’m the worst at the thing I love, I’m just so ugly. I see cosplayers with pretty faces and fair skin but I don’t have those. I’m ugly, my face is so freaking ugly. Being thin is not enough.
What do I do? I can’t stop crying.
10 comments
Sorry but i don’t want to die say’s it all, your not ready, this day will come and go and you will have to wait another year, there are things you need to do yet. never go with unfinished business.
rocketman, but I can’t live! I can’t, this is so horrible. My life is horrible, I can’t keep up with this, I’m suffering a lot and nobody will help me
I’m sorry I’m bothering you, but I’m so desperate.
Maybe you just need some practice in putting make-up? I was really bad at it but then I changed products and started putting some cream before – it got much cooler. I don’t believe that other people have better skin – you should see how models look without make-up so you will know what I am talking about!
If you’re not ready and you say that you have a reason to live… You’re young, aren’t you? Are you still living with your parents? I bet everything will change when you move out and live on your own, preferably with someone you love. As rocketman said, never leave your unfinished business behind. If you still enjoy things, you should keep it. You’re a lucky one here. So many people don’t enjoy even a thing.
i’m living a nightmare every day! but! i have a goal and a date! not to die but to survive! 2 years i have to endure the pains of my situation then i’ll be free, this is what you should do, set a date to be free! and work towards it, then perhaps you can do all the wonderful things you want to do! setting a goal gives you a reason to survive.
Today is the day I set a long time ago, that’s what irks me the most! I couldn’t do
your to hard on yourself nobody is that good looking! inter beauty is much more glamorous then exterior.
don’t let that bother you! your not ready! setting dates are easy, but reality is different, i’m not trying to talk you out of anything, but tell you the truth, things never go according to plan, the good thing is it bought you some more time, time to achieve something else, changing plans is something you have to consider, 6 years ago i wanted to die really bad, but now things have changed i’m only 2 years away from being free, the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight getting brighter and brighter, now it’s worth sicking around, set a goal to reach that light. you can do this! you are young i’m sure, you need to reach that freedom you crave, life only happens one time that’s it, it would be a shame not to experience freedom, work on that! so you can pursue your dreams and your purpose, your purpose is what ever your passions are, you are in charge of your purpose.
I’m so sorry, I’m going to the bridge. I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to do it. If I don’t come back, I want to thank you for your kind words <3
I hope you reconsider. But that will be kind of a hypocrite of me because I’m about to kill myself in a couple of weeks. But I just hope you finally get the peace you deserve. You sound like you are in a dark place. Peace out cub scout, see you on the other side 😉
I hope that you reconsidered, but understand if you didn’t. I think it’s amazing that you still have books that you want to read, and a contest you want to enter. I even think it’s amazing that you washed your face and tried putting on makeup. Looking forward to something and making a small effort shows that you still had some spark of hope when you wrote your original post. You seem like one tough cookie.