So yeah, if everything goes well, this will probably be my last post, so it’ll be kind of long!
I had a nice dream, I was floating in a night sky filled with small white lights. And I knew it was a dream.
On Monday my mother told me I had executed justice to my own accord and that made me so happy. To be associated with justice is the best gift I could ask for, it makes me even more like him.
I wish I had more time, I wish they didn’t find out I was skipping classes. I had to rush everything, and even though I finished everything I could, I wish I had more time to enjoy the things I did.
Sometimes I wish I was different, like a hero in an anime, with strong resolve and the power to alter fate, but I came to realize that I’m more like a villain, not entirely a villain but somewhat. Like him.
I will alter my fate by killing myself. Like him. There’s no other way, otherwise I’ll always be a prisoner. But he had other ways, that’s why his death hurts so much.
But I’ll tell you something, if I happen to stumble across god in the afterlife I will shoot him in the face. Hate burns so wildly in my chest, it’s the strongest emotion I ever had. For me, for all of you who are suffering when you didn’t do anything wrong. But that’ll be the case if god really exists, I don’t know what awaits me after death, but personally I hope nothing. That doesn’t mean I’m not ready if something is there, after all.
I rewrote my suicide note three times until now, but the last version was in my pc and my mother took my pc, so I’ll just leave a really short note. I’m so tired.
My mother was a ***** until the end, my father tried to help me reconstruct my life but I’m really tired. I don’t wanna keep trying.
I’ve felt many emotions during my life, some really beautiful, some really horrible. I would love to share what I felt with others, especially the beautiful ones, but nobody wants to listen me. I have the soul of an artist, yet the world denied me that path.
In the end, my worst and last enemy was myself. Not bad. I’m really happy. I’m just like him, our own madness will destroy us in the end.
I’m wearing my best clothes, this is the real me. The noose is ready.
Farewell, sp people! May all of you find peace, in this world or in death! Love you all!
I’ll be here around half an hour more or less, so if you want to send me your goodbyes or good wishes, now is the time!
Things I managed to do before dying:
- Eat my favorite dish one last time
- Finish sewing my green dress
- Seeing The End of the story and its many faces (although rushed, but still beautiful)
- Finishing my last cosplay
- Seeing my only friend one last time
- Getting a haircut
- Alter fate!!!! Fuck this life!!!
Things I didn’t manage to do (some because they’re impossible):
- Live enough to watch the end of D Gray-Man
- Finish my book
- Work on two animations I wanted to do with two songs
- Draw more things with my tablet
- Enjoy everything I finished more time
- More cosplays
- Travel more
- See the end of a lot of series/books/stories