It’s all coming back now. All of the stress that I had once forgotten about. All of the work that overwhelms me. Of course it came back. Of course it wouldn’t leave. These things seem so tedious and routine to everyone else, but to me they are only a reminder that I can’t handle anything and that any little thing could set me off. One wrong word. One wrong action. They remind me that I’m not like everyone else. I can’t seem to handle things, but everyone else can. Everyone else is smart and hardworking, but then there’s me. And when they talk about their future or how their lives are going, it reminds me about my own future (or lack of my own future). Everything is starting to remind me about my own little life. It’s not a good reminder. These past few months I thought for the first time ever, I was making progress towards a new life. A more ideal life…
That’s what I thought… but it was just an illusion. I can’t. I can’t believe in myself. The beliefs I’ve always had are crumbling away so easily… Today was going by so well. All of a sudden things took a turn for the worse. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m waiting for something really good to happen, but it isn’t coming. Maybe it will never come. I just wish I could live, or even just talk to someone. But I know that nobody is going to want to talk about such serious, sad, and existential things.
I’m sorry… I’m not your hero anymore.
5 comments
Hey. If you need to talk. I will talk. I know what it feels like to feel like i have no future. It feels bleak and hopeless. And if you do make a plan it falls apart as apathy kicks in and you couldnt care about it anymore and you look at everyone atound you making it seemingly with ease and it really sucks. I wish something good would happen too. For me, for you, for all the people here. And wanting to live. Iv always wanted to be in a story. You read them in books or play them in video games or watch in movies or tv. I wish i could have an adventure like that. Thats how i would like to live anyways. If you want to talk the reply box is just below
If only things would change for the better for once…
I think sometimes its best to start off small. Lan party at this guys house. A paycheck. Just tiny small good things to apprechiate. The bad things are always so big and massive that its easy to not see any good things. Im not trying to be mr. Bubbles here. I just think that the big good things dont happen as often as the big bad things. Its easy to get lost. I myself have no idea what to do. Ill pace in my room because the future looks so bland that i cant decide what to do. Im trying to just surround myself with people at the moment. Trying to see whats out there and focus less on me so that i dont have to feel my pain. The little things help.
I don’t even know if there are little things to be happy about. I don’t know anymore
You must have something you love. A sport, game, hobby? There must be one thing you love to do. Some person that you like to hang out with?