This is a response to another person’s post, but honestly I felt like what I had to say would get overlooked, and I was curious what people might have to share about it. Honestly the question evoked a lot of thought, and it ended up kinda tangential so bear with me.
I kinda like that this question was asked because it took me a moment to think of what the fuck is getting me out of house lately.
What gets normal people out of the front door everyday? Every person is different, and I suppose it’s what gets your metaphorical hole wet. What really is a normal person? I see people complain about others, or “normal” people, on SP quite frequently. People ask, “How do they do it?”, people say, “These normal go through life without ever experiencing real pain.”, people say, “Normal people just don’t understand depression.” Perhaps “normal” people have yet to, or will never form the maladjusted views and behaviors we have.
I feel like if I express my feelings any further it will come as aggressively ignorant, but I am going to do it I suppose. Also, as a disclaimer, I really do understand chemical imbalance, really I do. I’ve struggled in fighting crippling anxiety (social or otherwise generalized) and soul sucking depression my entire adult life. Nothing really has lifted this burden from me, not medication, not therapy, and for ephemeral periods narcotics would lift my symptoms, which returned with a vengeance as tolerance set it.
I have found lately working on myself is the only thing that makes life worth living. Forcing myself to keep up, forcing myself to be social, and forcing myself into self help groups daily. I think at times it’s only with some discipline that you can really change things, yet also try to maintain a balance of everything. Things get better, then they get worse, then they feel better for a day, then they feel worse for 3 days. The thing is for better or for worse, I am having more good days than I’ve ever had, and that counts for something. It’s weird I never knew why or how dysfunctional I really am. Honestly I am finding out that the things I thought I’ve been afraid of for years are just manifesting in my life because of other things that I am neglecting. It’s pretty revealing how staying on top of the little things can improve your mood, although I feel like I am constantly fighting apathy at the same time.
I feel like I gotta leave this place, not life, I mean fake-life. I can’t choose the right words without coming across as a know-it-all prick, but I feel like this is not a constructive place to spend my time and energy. I’ve been seeing SP differently lately, as if it could be likened to a pitch black room where the old cliche “the blind leading the blind” incarnates. I am not trying to say people are fake here, I am not trying to say that no one here helps each other, I am just saying that, while finding someone to bond over similar experience and vent about the negativity in your life is therapeutic, it’s not helpful without any direction in mind. I feel like at the end of the day we are simply enabling and nurturing maladapted isolation and madness here.
Instead of trying to find an outlet outside of reality I am going to force myself into normality more and more. Normality has outlets just as engaging if not more than this one, just seek it out.
5 comments
Greetings. I’m just gonna throw in my two cents on this matter. Most people that write posts on SP are pretty desperate, and they do sound the part judging by their words. When i want to reply i really have to options, one is to say ‘i feel you, shit sucks’ and maybe attach my own personal (but similar) story to make it seem like they’re not alone, but by doing so i (involuntarily) encourage that person to keep feeling sorry for themselves and wallow in their own misery and self pitty. They end up coming back to this place and reformulating their sad song as if to prove my words meant absolutely jack fucking shit. The other option is to tell them (in a non aggressive way) to ‘chill the fuck out and get up and start doing shit’, to start making changes, even small ones, but then i’ll end up sounding like an arrogant, self-entitled fool. What do i know about your pain? Nothing, but i know that not doing anything about it will get you nowhere. Suicideproject is a place for the hopeless, but that doesn’t mean it should reek of hopelessness. So yeah, antropophobia you are right. Yet another underrated post
As of now, for me, nothing. Currently, I am going through the motions and thinking: if I don’t go forward, then I will go backwards.
In the past, it used to be the deeper bonds and connections that I could form with people. As time went by, being exposed to such a different variety of stimuli has shaped me into such a complex and complicated creature. I don’t even understand myself anymore and I have a really hard time relating to others.
How can somebody, who can’t relate to me, help me?
Hi
Come here on SP is different for each person.
Some come here because they are desperate.
Some come here to help those who are desperate.
Some come here because they made friends here.
Some come here because very interesting issues are discussed here in an intelligent way.
Some come here just to remember death.
Some come here because work here.
Some come here to find an online affair or love.
Some come here to say goodbye.
Some come here to find a friend.
Some come here to create fake profiles and have fun.
Some come here to learn about life&death.
Some come here simply because in real life they have nobody.
Some come here for different reasons.
So…I disagree negativity generates you stuck in the same place trapped with others and force you into normality is what helps most. Sorry… but what works to you isn’t universal. I forced myself into normality and used all methods available but it did not work. It does not last for me.
Each person has its own pace to live or die and each person has its own way to recover or not. There isn’t just one answer.
Some come here for other reasons.
If it works or not is their own business.
I find find your answer to be very comprehensive.
I often ask the question: what is normal? If such a thing as normality, then I am not normal. I have tried; it doesn’t work. It is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Hi TimeL3ssDecay
Thanks for your words! I feel like you do.