Pieces of one of the most profound posts I’ve ever read on SP. He explains it much better than I ever could.
“it wasn’t until i actually tried to recover, that i realized just how much further i’d still have to go…”
It’s like you think “if i could only just make it to status-x… i’d be okay.”
But then you get there, or take a few steps in that direction, and realize it’s even further away than you thought, when you were already thinking it was too far away to reach.
I find this particular aspect of depression most troubling, as it seems to resonate with every person i’ve met (IRL or internet). I don’t think there is a solution for that problem. I think there could be a solution for that problem, but that it is not clearly understood by others, well enough to appreciate the inherent paradox and downward spiral. Upon realizing that “recovery” requires something you can’t even reach, which is even more arduous than you previously thought, when you were already ready to give up, thinking it was already too hard before…
More people need to understand what that does to someone who is already unable to believe that recovery is even possible.
People throw around trivialized and oversimplified advice… and that just makes it worse, because it proves that only the depressed truly understand… and everyone else ends up making us feel even more hopeless and tries to guilt us into a path that we already see as laughably ineffective, and a waste of time and energy, and only extends our own suffering, and only increases the burden on those who seem to want us to believe that this is all just our own fault, and that we’re “being ridiculous” to think that we have no way to recover a worthwhile life, once we realize how far back, how far behind, how far down, we really are… and how we don’t even have the tools it takes to climb… “…like trying to scale Mount Everest with a pair of dining utensils…”
Why do so few people seem to “get” that people are depressed “because they can’t fix their problems,” more than anything else?
Sure, maybe we have some sort of “chemical imbalance,” but i bet the primary issue is almost always something that has occurred in life, and not just a “defective brain” like so many seem to think.
It seems my plan is set in motion. 3.5 hours and counting….
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I thought I should add this, from the same comment by CN. (Your post brought a recollection of reading it a while back)
“I’m more floating in the despair of believing there is no solution, but trying to endure the suffering as long as i can, so i can find a solution, if it exists. I don’t want to do what i can’t undo, until i’m sure there is no other way to find a way to create a life worth living, in which i can at least feel fulfilled.”
I think we make a decision based of our prior collective of experiences and the available facts that we have now. It’s a risky philosophy to use alone as we have no way of knowing for certain what will happen in time. At what point do we draw the line and submit?
Glad that somebody else knew the comment I was referring to. I was not personally around at the time it was made, but it just hit me. So, I saved it and looked back on it often. I related, because I’ve been searching for that solution for years. So I think it’s time to draw the line.
I have been to very deep levels of depression, my emotions used to go from intense sadness to intense anger and for years I spent my life going deeper and deeper into the negative spectrum. It was only until I started to distrust the idea that the society I live in has everyones best interests at heart and went to look for alternative perspectives of what life is and what makes humans happy that I started to completely change my belief system. Greed and selfishness are reaching such intense proportions that the environment is being decimated, every month nowadays there are millions and millions of dead fish and other animal life washing to shore. With the knowledge that humanity has gained we are killing our world and ourselves, I would hardly call us an enlightened group of beings. I try to be simple because simplicity shows understanding, but my advice to all that I meet is to do what you must to achieve food and shelter, but be skeptical of the knowledge that your society presents to you. Try to see how the beliefs that lead to selfishness and apathy end up hurting the individual and the environment around them. I have learned that those who have the ability to care for and help the suffering of others are very important to this world, whether there is life after death or not, we are all connected to nature and you should be able to feel her gratitude as you improve the existence of another with kindness and empathy. I wish you the best in overcoming your struggles friend.
Well, considering it’s now 2 hours until I put my plan in motion, I’d say there’s not much chance of that. Or, looking at it in another way, maybe I will overcome them. Just not in the way I’d thought.
I’m sorry…
I wish I knew what to say. But I do agree with this post
Thank you. Just the acknowledgment means a lot.
Everything takes too long to accomplish and I don’t have the patience at all! I did notice a change when I actually decided to live and got in great shape, but wasted it going back to an ex boyfriend. With the time I wasted on his ass again, I could’ve found someone better and maybe circumstances would be different. I woke up angry and fussing and cursing at everyone in my fucking way. I hate people and life. Gonna try to get some of this anger out on the treadmill.