I’m like a yoyo. My mind jumps from thinking about stabbing myself in the eye with a knife to seeing the beauty in my cats sleeping next to me. I’ll be enjoying a nice apple, cutting it with a knife and envision myself stabbing my right eye with it. Then I’ll admire my cats and how their tiny bodies breath and live and work, and their little hearts are pumping blood through their veins.
Thing is, I’m not even too bad rn. Ofcourse I’m getting worse as the 25th approaches, but not too suicidal yet. I just randomly think of mutilating myself. I’m so fucked.
It’s all a mess. And I am as much a mess as this whole bullshit thing called life is.
3 comments
Talk to me, And don’t hurt yourself… Please ???
oh my goodness i get how you feel. i feel insane. i was thinking about dogs and i was like wow i love dogs. then i said “dogs are too pure for this world” to my mother and then immediately thought “well if they’re too pure for this world shouldn’t i kill them?” also idk what the 25th is for you but i hope you make it through this. i have a difficult time around November 3rd and it’s already starting to get bad. but i believe in you. don’t stab yourself, pet your kitties instead and really feel how soft their fur is and really get into the moment of the cats and not the knife or other bad things. enjoy the good moments by thinking about them and really getting into it. i hope you don’t have too hard of a time!
This was such a beautiful comment, thank you thank you thank you. The 25th is difficult bc it marks the 4 years my brother committed suicide. Why is November 3rd difficult for you? Thank you again, I screenshotted this and will defo be looking at it again.