know who I am now (which is not some one I like ( damaged sensitive unhappy lazy stubborn ect) ….but the me before marriage , my ex before Arizona .
What was I ?
My mom mentioned therapy but it felt was a trap to see if im still mentally unstable .Which I am lol but if I tell any one that it will be bad …because my dad brought it up too. (She is crazy make her fake sanity more ) will probably happen I will get no help ….idk. But maybe I do need therapy my family talks about me as if I was a diffrent person comletpy .I don’t remember my self like that at all what kind of mask did I wear .
I remember I scared girl spoild rotten and terrified of change , who would never speak her mind or feelings.. quiet sitting in Conner somewhere .
Not a go getter independent confident girl that they all speak of .
Over heard my mom speaking to my grandma about how people think I’m suicidal and a cutter ….which is the truth ……was the truth .
I heard the same words I heard my whole life for the first time in awhile ” she has to pretend she is happy fake it play a part if she ever want to get married .”
I played a part so well when I was younger .. But I guess I forgot how to play that roll . I thought I found some one to trust and I and up getting another enemy.
My mom been telling me everything the world is against …….don’t be yourself play your part live a lie everyday . …..I wonder how long it will be to be that good of a actress.
Definitely no just be who you are and they will accept you you are bullshit here.
I’ve been lecture all day just how to be somebody in not ……the bad part is she is right .
I wasn’t born into world of be who you are and you’ll be ok I was born into a world of literally stick to the status quo.