Hope I Can Draw Better Someday

Firstly you’re a good artist. My drawings used to be terrible and I wasn’t born with any natural talent for art like some people are. But then I learned the more time you put into it, the higher the quality of your work. Plus using the right tools helps (most of my stuff is vehicle design related).

Now as for the content of your work it really says a lot to me. When I was younger, I just went with the flow-fortunately for me I never really got bullied (apart from a few exceptions) or abused by family or anything like that. But in my early teens when you’re unsure of yourself, impressionable, most of my abuse came from myself…primarily about how inadequate I felt/self-hate. In some rare occasions I did deal with some who didn’t like me (but I got along with most people).

I tended to go with the flow and if I felt I was a loser, that’s it I was a loser-no getting around it and I just accepted my lot in life. So a lot like what’s going on in your sketches. But as I grew up, I realized I could be anything I wanted to be-I wasn’t subject to the opinions of others or myself, I can be the person I wish to be and no one could deter me from that.

So I became more proactive. I went through various phases but when I was insecure in my mid-teens, I was mostly shy, quiet, didn’t say much. When people slighted me I’d say nothing-but would get very angry at them and myself for not standing up for myself and would promise not to let it happen again but then when I was ready for a fight, that is when I was confident, no one opened their mouth.

I was a skinny kid too-and thanks to my best friend at the time who became a body-builder, I learned how easy it was to get well built. Once I did everything changed. How I felt about myself, my self-esteem really improved. My looks got me a lot of positive attention and my enemies all slinked away to hide in some hole. I remember one asshole who had tried to bully me when I was a skinnier was scared shitless when he saw me cause I was bigger and taller than him. He was very lucky this was on a public street or I might’ve got some well-deserved payback.

What angers me most is that none of these lessons were taught to me by my father. I had to learn everything the hard way and it took me years to figure out what children could be taught in an hour. But I think my father was a dumbass and didn’t really know these things, plus he was absentee and then he didn’t give a shit about me.

But let’s get back to you. So the lesson from my experience if I read your situation correctly would also be to become proactive. Don’t let people bully you or push you around. You have a right to be happy and free from harassment and abuse. Never let people trying to smear you get away with it. And I learned if you don’t have a response for them on the spot, don’t worry go home, think about it and you’ll be ready to nail them the next time.

I started holding grudges against certain enemies and when they let their guard down I’d strike very hard (not physically though I was ready for that if needed), sometimes I’d have to wait weeks to find the right opportunity, but invariably stupid people repeat their patterns and give you a chance for getting them back. Eventually after learning of the power within myself I started making it much more measured and using the right amount, not too much or little to handle any issue.

The key for me is keeping my emotions in check-if I get mad, my brain shuts down and I lose my ability to reason and argue effectively-in fact I think that’s my best skill when I’m on my game. Anyhow, I’ve babbled too long so I’ll stop here, hopefully you’ve found something useful in this post.