“Happiness is an illusion”
its true.
But right now i would give anything to fall into this illusion and let it embrace me.
Everyday is becoming an impossible task to get through. To get through the “Hey why are you looking so depressed?” to hiding the cuts on my hands.
I always used to say that “Music is my escape, an escape from reality”. Now? It doesnt make me happy anymore.
Everyday i end up falling to the floor crying because me body is physically tired of maintaining this facade of the perfect person. There is a black slug inside me who have sucked my power to smile, to laugh, to pretend.
I dont know about anything anymore, unsure of my existence.
I havent worked it out yet but i feel like i might do it… might escape this everyday hell.
I try everyday but i guess im tired of trying. Im counting down days when i get the courage to go through with it.
2 comments
Feel exactly the same way. Used to have a passion for playing the piano, drawing, no I’m on my laptop the all day, I barely eat, and I’m not revising for my semester exams so I’m gonna fail my year at university, and because my studies are almost the only things that matter to me, I can say I’m failing on almost everything important. So I’m wondering “Hey, what am I doing here? ” and I try to work, to see friends but I just can’t. As you said I can’t Pretend anymore. And I don’t feel I belong to this world any more, think I’ve already got one foot into the grave. I think, you’ll need some rest. I mean nobody is perfect. I often have the feeling I’m the weakest person of all but th truth is, I went just through too much trouble. I can see it because one friend lost her grandfather almost the same time as I did. She went on crying and crying, complaining, not woring, beeing totally upset and showing it when I did just said it briefly and go on with working because I’m kind of used to feel like shit all the time. Happy people are not like that. For them their momental sadness is a scandal and they have to expose it to everyone around. We are the strongest because those people won’t even survive a day of our fucking lives. So be proud of being still here. You have far more courage than they do. Everyday you’re fighting back all your fairs, all your pain. Don’t try to be perfect, just to be a way that will mean less pain for you and if you do have someone you can trust then there is no shame to get a little help. You can also find it in here, there are quite a lot of amazing people 😉 ( who helped me by the way)
Depressive_cries – Everyday i end up falling to the floor crying because me body is physically tired of maintaining this facade of the perfect person. There is a black slug inside me who have sucked my power to smile, to laugh, to pretend’. Wow this relates to me I do the same thing. Its a very calming feeling to lie on the floor i agree with Moonchild – when I was in school I’d back then lost all the zest to study ridiculed by the ones who studied before exams.. I managed to pass anyways.. we are highly intelligent anyways because we know the true meaning of life is meaningless. No one will understand.