Freedom in a Sense

Hello. I suppose I have my freedom. Today I found something out about someone that had a certain hold over me. Something that made that hold over me non existent. I don’t really feel like going on about it in detail. I’m not even sure how true it is. I don’t care. I choose to believe it and have my freedom. I no longer have to have that person in my head anymore. At least that is what I’ll say now. My mind will probably fall victim to that old hold again. And again. And again. Why are we as people forced to have no control over these situations. Why isn’t there a nob that we can just flip and be done with it. For now I have my freedom. Partial freedom. They are still in there to a degree. It takes time for my head to be completely emptied out. I’ve gotten over it and I’ll do it again. And again. And again. It’s an endless cycle. Sometimes I feel like just reaching in my head and pulling out all the things I don’t want in there. I want to be free from sadness and anger and guilt and love and desire and fear. I don’t want any of it. I just want numbness. I just want numbness. I’m probably going to look back at all of this and realize how stupid it all was. For now I just don’t care. I want freedom.