Hello. Now I know that this is the last place I should be looking for advice, but I figured since I had no one else to turn to I’d give it a shot. I am currently a senior in high school. I have never, in my life, gone on a date. If I’m going to be pulling my life out of the gutter, I guess I should start here. So any advice? To clarify, I am a dude and I am interested in girls. I have no idea how to make conversation nor do I know when it’s the appropriate time to go for it. I barely talk to anyone and I can count on one hand the number of girls I talk to. I have no friends that could help me out with this. My goal is to at least get one date, just one, before the end of the school year. I’m not even looking for a girlfriend. I doesn’t even have to be fancy. We could just go out for pizza or something. Hell it could go fucking awful, but it would still be a date. So guys, any advice?
8 comments
back in ye olden days of yore, and when I could muster up the nerve, used to go with something like:
“wanna hang after class?”
I don’t know if that still works today?,
but it’s simple, doesn’t imply any specific romantic strings attached, nice and casual, and even more comfortable if it’s with one the girls you are already friends with.
A good place to start maybe?
if not, you might wanna get advice from someone a bit more Casanova than I
Worth a shot. Thanks for the advice.
Simple pickup (youtube channel)
The mask you live in (netflix)
I dont know why I thought you might need to watch this but anyway
In this day and age it is best to address female humans like any other self-aware being.
If you are a gamer look for game playing human females. Ask if they have played _____. Etc. If you want to date a literate female human, go to the library. Ask if they have read _____ and could recommend something like it. Etc & etc.
Ask all available male human friends to introduce you to any female humans they may know. Do not be selective. At this point you should be focusing on practicing small talk and not appearing to be an idiot. As more female humans get to know you, you will be introduced to their friends, and so on. Keep widening the circle of female humans that know you.
Extracurricular interest groups provide ample opportunities to meet humans of all genders. Conversational subjects are self evident. Keep widening the circle.
In time, a female human will express heightened interest in you. Look for signs of dilated pupils, increased respiration, fidgeting, and preening. Do not rush things at this point. Express sincere interest, but try to keep things light.
Eventually it will become obvious that a female human has a strong attraction to you. Spend your time talking about non-trivial subjects. Show the depth of your character. If all goes well the female human will want to be alone with you.
At that point, you can release your soporific spores to render her unconscious. Then quickly implant your bloodworm egg sack in her chest cavity. She should awaken without awareness of any appreciable time has passed. After the 72 hour incubation period new demon larvae will begin eating their way out.
I have used this technique for over 160 years with great success. Good luck with your mission. All hail Satan!
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg, that was brilliant!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can’t stop laughing…I was in the middle of taking a sip of coffee at that last part and lost it all….omg….you’re wicked.
This is gold xDDD omg
At least it was funny.
Well, I was writing honestly, as I’ve seen this kind of question before, right up till the end and I said fuck it and went off the rails.
The advice I didn’t give that occurs to me now is practice practice practice practice practice practice practice and practice. It gets easier. It really does. Purge yourself of feelings of worthlessness. Everyone is a flawed human. Look for women that understand that about themselves.
Never do the trick where you walk with reversed kneecap bird legs. It scares humans.