Hello. The weeds are growing back again. Yesterday I went to go watch a movie with a few friends and eat lunch. For my birthday. First time I’ve done something for my birthday since I was in elementary. It was nice. Today went by as usual. I expected to be content for a bit longer than this. As the day went on I had fleeting thoughts about the bad stuff. Just fleeting. The weeds are growing back. They are small right now, but they will grow back. It’s one thing when they grow back, but it’s something else when you know they will grow back. You just wait and expect it. You know that what ever sort of happiness you have now will be gone soon. You become aware of this cycle of misery. As a result you kind of stop caring. I’m not even feeling particularly bad, but part of me wants to do it. I know it’s going to get worse, so why not end it when I have a clear head. That way I know I did it not because of the spur of the moment, but because this is something I really want. Silence and peace. Thank you for listening.
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This left me so speechless that I just stared at the screen not knowing what to say, but I had to say something.
YES. You get it. Everything I’ve been trying to express for at least a year and have been making dozens of posts about, and you summed it up with this one simple metaphor. The weeds are gone for the moment, but there’s no denying they’ll come back. Why go through the whole miserable cycle again and again. Why not quit while you’re ahead?