Hello. Which is better? To forget how pointless your life is and go on like everyone else or to be constantly thinking about it all the time? When you go about your day free from the depressing thoughts you set yourself up to be even more disappointed when that sudden realization hits you again. Always being depressed kind of sucks, but you know what your getting when you wake up in the morning. I feel like I’m falling back into the usual cycle of going about my day. I know I’m going to fall back into my depressive state. I always do. However, when I’m in that state it is unbearable. I know I’m probably not making much sense. It is kind of hard to explain. I guess I’m trying to say that depression hits me in waves. Sometimes I’m up and then I fall down. So which is better. To experience depression in waves or to be constantly depressed? I’m finding it harder to keep going. Honestly I’m confused about it all. Birthday is in a week. I think I’m going to watch Akira to celebrate it. Thanks for listening.
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I can relate. I had life really hard for the longest time….then just when things start to get good > some other messed up thing comes and messes up my momentum and then I have to slip back into that place of just wishing it would just be over with.
My whole life has been shit and I am getting tired of it.
People keep telling me forget the things of the past and press forward and YES, that is good advice. But I dont have enough going for me at this time. I dont have enough resources to be able to make the changes to my life that i want to make…. so My life just sucks
and I am getting tired of the fact that my life has sucked for most of my life in General
I am tired of being at the bottom of the barrel in life > hanging on by a thread
I wish something great would come into my life so I could have it good for a change
but that never seems to happen for me.
I just want peace
Sylvia Plath described her own depression as a bell jar. Much like you describe your depression hitting you in waves, the bell jar can descend upon an individual at any moment. Sylvia said this “How did I know that someday—at college, in Europe, somewhere, anywhere—the bell jar, with its stifling distortions, wouldn’t descend again?” She knew because that is exactly how it is. No matter where you are, what you are doing, who you are with and how happy you might have been within the last hours or days or even months, depression will find you again. It always finds me, even when I got my new car, started making more money and quit smoking; even after I lost 40 pounds and my relationship with my parents got better, the Bell jar fell upon me again. Laying in my bed ready to sleep, the thought of cold steel pressing against the side of my head felt just as comforting as it had when I was ready to die weeks ago. Almost as if the idea of suicide had never left, and more so decided that it would return to the shadows and devise a new plan of attack. Here I am, smoking a pack a day again and wishing I had a gun to make quick work of myself.