Dark

I hate the sun that floods my room through the gap in my window in the morning
I love the dark
Peaceful, alone, dark
But the dark has its shadows – they wake me with a sickening, cold knot in my gut
like the feeling of vomit in my throat
after the schoolyard bully slams a basketball into my stomach
flooding the depths of my soul with burning fear
that I will never sleep again
that I will never stop fighting for breath
that I will never stop trembling
that the money will run out
that they will take what little pain medication I have away
that my twisted bloodied fingers will snap
and I will plunge into the eternal terror
that tears at my flesh
and crushes my bones
I will scream
but I will make no sound
while never to reach the end
of the cold, jagged and bottomless crevasse
that is to be my final and eternal fate