I’m Really Good at Coming Up With Really Bad Ideas

Hello. I haven’t been here in a week or so. Been avoiding it on purpose. I recently decided that I’m going to lead a more positive life. That didn’t work out so now I’m trying to lead at least a neutral life. I just want to stop being negative. I’ve recently started going to a gym. I’m not fit by any means, but I think I’m on the right track. My arms hurt. I went today at 11 expecting to be alone. There were a lot of people. I guess they don’t have any day jobs to get to. I recently started talking to a girl, and she actually talks back. I realized I’m probably not they type of person who should be going after who they want. My irrational (or rational depending on how you look at it) fear of being alone makes me paranoid over everything I do or say. I’m going to ask her out next week. I know I will be shot down. No matter how I look at it, I’m just a friend. Oh well, it’s good experience. This change in view point was a bad idea. I just couldn’t stand being the way I was anymore, but I hardly think that this is an improvement. I really know that this is all just pointless distraction. None of it matters. Despite this fact, I’m throwing myself into these distractions. If nothing matters, then throwing myself into it doesn’t matter. And if it doesn’t matter, then why not? Thank you for listening.