Back on the spring of 2014 my whole life felt like it had just fallen apart. There was so much pain and I was so sad. Yet I wish I could go back to that time and relive it all. The time when I was ambitious and I worked hard in school. When I had a really good friend by my side. For some reason I feel like it was a better time I had more drive. Now I slug through things and I drag my feet I feel like I don’t have the energy to want to do anything. I am afraid of relationships, mortified of them and I can’t allow myself to do anything remotely similar because I get overwhelmed. I run away from it and I want to run back but deep down I want to be loved and held so how does any of this make sense? I don’t want to be alone, I want to build friendships, and to have a relationship. And yet the moment that those things start to happen the moment that I’m not alone I am overwhelmed and I run away. So what’s wrong with me? I don’t understand myself or how to overcome this? Anyone else experience this?
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1 comment
Nothing is wrong with you, it’s just pent up fear of relationships, or some kind of trauma caused by previous relationships. I can say i was/am in the same boat, feeling like i do need people but keeping a distance to protect myself… the only difference is that i’ve been trying to repress that need of relationships in order to function better with people. Not that it has worked or that it’s healthy tho, the healthier thing to do is to be able to trust in people again (in a wiser, more controlled way tho), because honestly not everyone is the same and not every relationship ends up badly, regardless of it appearing to be the norm.
As to what to do about it… i’m guessing trusting in small increments is a good strategy. Not that it’s easy, but the alternative (being a hermit) isn’t that good either.