Most people who are not depressed or suffering a mental illness simply feel like commiting suicide because of incidents or because life is miserable for a while. Or because life hurt them and they can’t or don’t want to move on in other words.
My story isn’t like that. All that is just icing on the cake for me. that kind of thing has happened to me but it was the last straw that made me stop trying not the overall cause. I’m sitting here on the roof of a four story building thinking of jumping for the record. To begin with I stayed a child in mind and heart way to long. Simply put I was too innocent too long until I got a rude awakening. At 19 yrs old I was still so involved in games movies and TV let alone fantasy and pretending that I didn’t even know my own parents or much about the world around me. Then i went to prison and got raped. Till this point I had games TV and people who may have cared but never imagined around. But then one day reality came along and punched me in the gut with rape. Suddenly I couldn’t help but see how mucked up the world was. I wanted all the more to stay in my own little world. But it wouldn’t let me go. I wanted to die. I tried. But some stupid retarded thing came along and got in the way. Now I sit here watching and waiting for a good chance.
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I wouldn’t know how I personally would be able to tolerate being raped. I would either completely withdraw, or find the responsible party and – well – deal with them. I think it would probably become the remainder of my life’s work to seek retribution. I can’t imagine the anger and frustration, the sense of violation.
I’m not going to tell you to come down off the roof, not while I spend hours sitting with my gun in my hand, pondering life.
I just want you to know someone read your post and heard your words tonight, and understands some of what you and many of us are dealing with.
Take care.
I wish it was as easy as blowing his brains out and being done with it. Thank you anyway for acknowledging.