Waking up with no hope, feeling like crap. Not enough sleep. Utterly alone. No real purpose in life. Just more grinding tediousness. Trying to convince myself that at some point, it will all be worth it. Getting stuck on all the obstacles I’ve created for myself. Full of sadness, regret, and self-hatred. I want to go back, to when the world still seemed interesting. To when the future was distant and alluring, rather than here and devastating. When I was still capable of thinking new thoughts, feeling new experiences. When I was unaware of all the shit. When I wasn’t so fucking numbed to it all. I’m so sick of me, my mind, but the only one capable of changing it is me, and I’m an irredeemable shit. I will always find my way back to my comfortable old ways of thinking about reality. It feels true. My depression feels real. Too scared to end it.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
If there ever was a post that I relate to the most, this is it. Only difference is I’m not scared to end it i just haven’t figured how I want to yet. I wake up every morning feeling this way. Somehow the people on this site change that feeling. I suppose that’s why I continue to come back
I’m sorry you feel similarly, but glad you find some relief from it here.
I’m terrified that in the moment I end it, I’ll suddenly change my mind – I’ll realize that things weren’t so bad, that my life was worth living if only I made the right changes. That I’ll decide I want to live when it’s too late and I’m already dying. It’s such a huge, irreversible decision, and I just don’t want to die feeling I’ve made the wrong choice. I want to go peacefully.
all I know about ending it myself is if I feel more peace in ending it than I do in trying harder. That is when I know it’s time. I’m not there yet but I’m close I’m just trying to hold on for others rather than myself.