Behind the Looking Glass

For some, find themselves in the in the chasm of their misery. They find themselves and create great art such as music & poetry. I have done such things, that was a long time ago. Today, the only thing I see when I close my eyes, the only thought is a noose. In Middle School we used to do this thing to make one pass out. Many may be familiar, it’s where you bend over causing the blood to rush to your head then straighten up quickly while someone squeezes the side of the neck preventing the blood from flowing and you pass out quickly. I am thinking I could do this on my own just with the use of a noose to end this life of misery. I have been rationalizing the thought of death and it sounds like it would be very nice. I mean what is on the other side of the looking glass. I can have all my questions answered. Now, to all those that oppose this choice of sudden death, isn’t smoking, alcohol, over eating, eating unhealthy and all these things we do knowing that it will kill us just like committing slow suicide. The results are the same the time it takes is different. Today I find myself very interested with dying and ending my life so that I can experience the afterlife of which i do believe in. I just dont believe in a Creator that will punish me for all eternity for doing such a thing. I use to tell myself every morning as I look at the man in the mirror “You are a piece of shit, loser, you havent accomplished anything but misery in this horrible life of your, kill yourself, do yourself and society a favor and take yourself out, you disgust me you helpless wimp of a man”. Yes I bask in the sun of Self Resentments, Self Rejection. I swim in the self pity pool party. But at least I know where I am…