Only Ever Half of Anywhere

Hello. It’s a hard feeling to describe. I’d like to say the past year or so, but I feel that’s a bit inaccurate. I always talk about how it comes and goes, but when one or the other happens, it’s hard to remember the other one. I feel as if I’m only ever half there. Anywhere I go, I feel that a part of me just isn’t responding. I’ve thought maybe it’s “senioritis” I kept hearing about when I was an underclassman, but it seems to be in everything I do. It’s really hard to determine if that’s the case because I don’t remember what it felt like to be completely “full” I guess you would say. I know it couldn’t have been but a month or two ago when I felt “full”. I think. It’s really hard to even tell that much. Maybe I’ve never felt “full” but only thought I did. Does that even make sense? I feel like a ghost just floundering about. Maybe if I can get meds it would be better? Maybe not? Maybe this half feeling means it’s almost time? Maybe I’m close to taking the leap and I don’t even know it yet? It’s such an odd thing. Purpose and pointlessness. These two feelings are the defining characteristics between us I suppose. It’s always so silent around this time of day. I wonder if the silence has ever made someone crazy. Thanks for listening if you are.