This is my first post here. I just followed around anonymously but I need somewhere to put my feelings right now. I can’t tell anyone in my life and…and I feel safer here.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of living, of existing, of breathing.
Of waking up in the morning and my first thought being “why couldn’t I have died in my sleep?”
I’m tired changing myself so I’ll stop hating myself and if not working.
I’m tired of hurting myself.
Of being hurt by others.
I’m just tired of being tired.
I have no future, no life, no ambition for anything.
I’m not living, I’m on the berdge of dying, you can’t even consider this surviving.
I just…I want it to be peaceful once more. That’s all.
3 comments
It’s the curse of our generation. Everyone of us here go through all that you say and some worse than we can even imagine. I took pills to sleep and haven’t closed my eyes for a second until now.
Me too – 1st posted here this am. Daily struggle and for what? The next day? Sometimes I can work & sometimes I cant – so frustrating!
Peace is the lack of desire for all of this “future” and “ambition” business.
You can achieve that sensation before death. Try to let go of the expectations you’ve put on your life. Good feelings come naturally when you stop judging and wishing and hating. Even through the chronic pain you may be experiencing.
You deserve to feel better, so put a little conscious effort toward it. Make your second thought in the morning “hm, well, the weather looks interesting today and I bet it will feel good to have a drink of water soon.” Build from there if you can. And if you are truly close to dying, treat your body even better so that experience can be as painless and well timed as possible.
Climb out of this depression slowly without putting too much pressure on yourself or others. Life is imperfect but if you build some hope slowly you probably won’t crash as hard when something hurts you again.