I am honestly not sure what to do or honestly why am I writing about this.
But I’ve been seeing this guy recently. Hes a real sweetheart… We went to high school together ( he graduated two years before I did) Hes a really good guy and nothing like i had before. There is just one problem. I am having trouble being intimate with him not like sexual. Mostly stuff like cuddling, kissing, any physical touch etc… Most of the time lately I’ve been either dodging it or play shy, innocent, hard to get etc.
I know its bugging the shit out of him.. But he doesn’t say anything. He knows about most of my past ( and surprisingly didn’t run like most men probably would)
I don’t know if its because I’ve been in bad relationships in the past and I’m afraid it will happen again and he would move on to something better… or is it because that i don’t want to go to far and then regret later on… I am tired of hook ups… I just want something real not just a smoke screen.
Has anyone else on here. Ever dealt with this? Any advice would be extremely helpful….
Thank You…….
7 comments
Maybe you just don’t really love him. When you love someone intimacy comes pretty naturally and the hard thing becomes not being intimate and being away from them. Just because he’s a ‘sweetheart’ or a ‘good guy’ won’t make you automatically like him in that way.
Or maybe as you say it has something to do with bad past experiences and you being scared of being let down. I have problems with this, there’s a girl I feel like being intimate with but fear of pain and being let down keeps holding me back.
What do you get out of dodging his advanced? There must be some (probably mental) reward you are getting for your actions?
I deal with something similar every day. My situation has nothing to do with romance, but I hold myself back from forming any kind of relationships with humans due to past nasty lousy things happening. Maybe I’m at the point where I’m projecting and expecting any friendship to turn to shit, so I just don’t go there. How many times do I have to be burnt before I learn not to touch that fire. So, I don’t trust anyone. It seems the more I don’t trust, the better I get at not trusting and the more reasons I find not to trust ANYONE. Practice makes perfect!! How do I reverse this? Maybe the first step is recognizing that I’m doing this. That’s all I can do..keep noticing and maybe over time I’ll learn to trust again?? or not? Maybe your situation is somewhat similar?
It’s actually a symptom of loneliness. You develop a cognitive bias where other people’s misdeeds are amplified. You become very defensive and mistrustful.
The solution is to get connected. Quality trumps quantity of relationships.
my point of view is that loneliness is the symptom of mind habits. Cause and effect. Ya, ‘cognitive bias where other people’s misdeeds are amplified” then that breeds “defensive and mistrustful” habits, which, in my case, makes it very difficult to push myself into ‘getting connected’ with quality OR quantity. Going off species is a friendly direction. Nothing like a good dog!
Makes sense!
I’ve posted about this before, but here’s the right approach to dealing with other people:
forbes.com/sites/rogerkay/2011/12/19/generous-tit-for-tat-a-winning-strategy/
Always start out nice. Then follow their lead. Only ever retaliate once. Forgive them one time out of ten. The article explains it more clearly.
Lol. He should be asking what he “should do” if you act like that, no?
If you’re worried about regretting taking your relationship seriously then don’t take it seriously.
If you’re worried about truly falling for him then tough, that’s what relationships are about: making a choice and taking risks.