Tell me about it. When I go into town, I always see these young people with model looks, fashionable clothes, cool friends and/or beautiful partners.
They are everywhere, more the rule than the exception, and they don’t even understand how lucky they are. To be normal, well-adjusted, popular, not derailed.
They reek of privilege, arrogance, self-absorption. Probably, there is more to them than that, but I always find it hard to stomach that some asshole will be sitting there absent-mindedly staring into his smartphone while his model-like girlfriend is talking to him.
Meanwhile I sit unnoticed, the quintessential lonely, unsuccessful “nice” guy. Bitter, old, hopeless. Struggling my whole life, and nothing to show for it.
5 minutes of that woman’s time would change my life (no jokes please). He has as much as he wants, but does not value it at all.
I love you already, man. I’m a guy, too. But I must advise you not to be so shallow, do not allow 5 minutes of a woman’s time to change your life. They’re probably not as good and loyal and caring a person as a lonely, bitter, old man could be. These people always look for the cheap thrills, keeping the up trending, practically low-life shit. They don’t care if someone has a good heart or is a great person, not exactly, they will toy with you for as long as it suits them and then discard you. This is how modern “alternative” youths are in the London scene and surely anywhere else with that kind of trend that has more class that the “thug/whore” scene. These people belong in Hell, right now they’re in a comfortable Hell, and it’s best to leave them be in my opinion, but of course your choices are yours to make, whatever they may be – don’t let me stop you at all, please at least remember these things.
I have nothing to show for my life too, my friend, even if I’ve attempted things in which I have been shot down from by family who are meant to f’ing help (and they will or they will pay) :D. Being shot down made me look higher and now I have bigger dreams. I still have nothing to show for my entire life but my reactions in my experiences=personality, but that’s not tangible as of yet. If you, however, wish to have success in one form or another you must by logic’s dictate have a goal to be successful in. Find your dream if you want them to come true (unless you already have one) and attempt to get to it (which is the hardest part). I’m slowly climbing back up from the pit that I fell into.
I would love to chat more if you would reply something like that again 😀
I once met a girl. My most admired woman. I am 19 and almost 20. I “fell in love” with a student 2 years ago in a college I went to. She seemed special at first sight ever, something was telling me that, I don’t know what but it did. I finally saw her in the library again as I had hoped to for months, I had wanted to at least say “hello” when first seeing her, maybe in the corridors but not one sight, now I had to know her properly before she’s lost for ever, I thought. She was sitting down at a 5-sided desk, I sat next to her, she was revising a science subject. When I spoke to her for the first time, I did it with the excuse of an artist. She was so trusting, so caring and kind, something almost non-existent in London (the part I was from, which is why I went to the college there that was so far away from my area). I really wished to be friends already I thought, knowing in my first minute of knowing her how lovely she was, at the very least to know who she was properly and/ but also (later on) give my mind some kind of proof that she isn’t something like what Dante thought of Beatrice: the perfect woman, the daughter of God/ goodness itself which I blinded myself with the idea of how another girl I “fell” for was. To put it simply: I wished to prevent myself from fantasising that this young woman was beyond human goodness because I cared for another who I thought was like that but actually wasn’t. I wanted her to be a model in a project I was working on. I sincerely believe that I got her number in a way that someone in the world does not do so easily unless the person gives it out with a pure mind, free from thoughts of any kind of negativity and mistrust: one like an angel. I must admit that my life changed drastically at that point. Life went on for a day or two, I sent a message of the timetable of when she can be photographed at the studio – she said she’s “Sorry, I can’t commit to this” that she had so much work to do. I sent a few messages back but she was adamant, I let it be after asking in a polite manner obviously “I’m sorry to hear that, but why agree at first?” but no reply to that. Life went on with a disappointment that I couldn’t have this angel be part of my work and couldn’t have a proper conversation with her as a friend. A week or a few went by and I saw her in the library, standing by a printing computer. We shared hellos, she told me how sorry she was and it showed how stressed she was with the amount of work she had, and I told her about how important my art was to me and that I would like to show her maybe one day how meaningful it is, she seemed to like that. I must say every time I was with her things went so quickly because she never seemed to make time for anything but getting things done. Another couple of weeks went by and the next time I saw her I knew I was going to ask to hang out sometime. It was at the library again, of course, I never see her anywhere else on the Earth (that place is going to be knocked down and rebuilt, I was told, if it already isn’t). She agreed with the idea of willing to spend time (as friends obviously), but her work seemed to get in the way, I think. Every time every couple of weeks or a few months that I saw her in the library she was rather willing and quite open to the idea of hanging out as friends but she never called or texted or anything, I guess that showed a lot. I suppose she might not have had the time, or just didn’t want to make it for me. But that thorn in my head that I have buried in my mind so deeply just won’t come out – about how beautiful her being, her mind is. I believe she is perfect because of the certain interactions I had with her that I know for a fact nobody on Earth in this culture would behave as such unless they were some kind of angel in some inherent sense. And now I’m stuck with a great admiration and a great love for that kind of person, although it is that kind of person who had begun to ignore me once I sent a very small but crucial message because I felt that she didn’t _try_ to get close; this: “:'(” on Valentines Day haha it’s funny now but a really sad and hellishly desperate at the same time and at *that* time. Through these long 2 years I send a message or give her a call once in a long while with no reply at all. I do this because I really value her and she knows this in exactly what way because I told her and she was thankful of what I thought of her – I will never contact her like that again. Before ‘the end’ of our interactions I replied to her once when her phone was broken and she seemed very co-operative about it and open like a book “Whatever makes you happy” and she smiled a charged smile and moved like a pampered princess that I was pleased to see happy. Now I am not near her and cannot know who she truly is and am stuck with this idea of her that I am obsessed with – her goodness -, and I value in life goodness above all else. And until this night (I wrote this on: ibrkuy22
MAR 10, 2017 @ 01:00:32) in the early morning I wish to die, because I am not having a successful and forgetful life and I am painlessly dying inside because someone I love is still in my head and will not come to me as who she really is. The longing and admiration in my mind hurts and yet I feel a numb pain from it, one that I have no control over and can’t even cry about, as if it’s stoic in its own nature and platonic in its seed. Platonic for reasons already explained, also since any ordinary man will not be attracted in the least to a face such as hers, thank goodness. She’s probably studying Medicine since last year as she said she wanted to 2 years ago. I’m a jobless young man with a painful-to-bear mind who is studying for 2 different driving licenses and wants to go back to college this summer with no means to support myself with in that way. I found this website this early morning after trying to find ways and chemicals to kill myself with since the thought of her came back to me, alongside the question of whether she is now already with someone else and the hint of was she already? Yes, my admiration goes that deep, of course, why_HOW_ on Earth wouldn’t it?
? REPLY
ibrkuy22
MAR 10, 2017 @ 01:10:25
For the record, so many women in this –c-i-t-y– (the country: England) give me the look that they want me, but I really don’t want them. Isn’t that ironic? I am running away, and always have been, from all the women that some sub-human primate would want whilst I’m praying and walking around looking for the woman with the plain-looking appearance who I let pierce my existence, unintentionally on her part.
Every time I think about it after a short while I just want to cry but I can’t, so why not just die? There are so few wonderful people that I have known that are as or more nicer than Her. This idea I am in love with is the want my for my death.
This was so beautiful to read. I can relate to your story, it’s kind of similar to what I feel for her.
With the difference I know her flaws. She has said them so many times.
And I still love her, as “flawed” as she believes she is. She is so humanly perfect.
Maybe it is wise to forget, after all…
5 comments
Tell me about it. When I go into town, I always see these young people with model looks, fashionable clothes, cool friends and/or beautiful partners.
They are everywhere, more the rule than the exception, and they don’t even understand how lucky they are. To be normal, well-adjusted, popular, not derailed.
They reek of privilege, arrogance, self-absorption. Probably, there is more to them than that, but I always find it hard to stomach that some asshole will be sitting there absent-mindedly staring into his smartphone while his model-like girlfriend is talking to him.
Meanwhile I sit unnoticed, the quintessential lonely, unsuccessful “nice” guy. Bitter, old, hopeless. Struggling my whole life, and nothing to show for it.
5 minutes of that woman’s time would change my life (no jokes please). He has as much as he wants, but does not value it at all.
I love you already, man. I’m a guy, too. But I must advise you not to be so shallow, do not allow 5 minutes of a woman’s time to change your life. They’re probably not as good and loyal and caring a person as a lonely, bitter, old man could be. These people always look for the cheap thrills, keeping the up trending, practically low-life shit. They don’t care if someone has a good heart or is a great person, not exactly, they will toy with you for as long as it suits them and then discard you. This is how modern “alternative” youths are in the London scene and surely anywhere else with that kind of trend that has more class that the “thug/whore” scene. These people belong in Hell, right now they’re in a comfortable Hell, and it’s best to leave them be in my opinion, but of course your choices are yours to make, whatever they may be – don’t let me stop you at all, please at least remember these things.
I have nothing to show for my life too, my friend, even if I’ve attempted things in which I have been shot down from by family who are meant to f’ing help (and they will or they will pay) :D. Being shot down made me look higher and now I have bigger dreams. I still have nothing to show for my entire life but my reactions in my experiences=personality, but that’s not tangible as of yet. If you, however, wish to have success in one form or another you must by logic’s dictate have a goal to be successful in. Find your dream if you want them to come true (unless you already have one) and attempt to get to it (which is the hardest part). I’m slowly climbing back up from the pit that I fell into.
I would love to chat more if you would reply something like that again 😀
I once met a girl. My most admired woman. I am 19 and almost 20. I “fell in love” with a student 2 years ago in a college I went to. She seemed special at first sight ever, something was telling me that, I don’t know what but it did. I finally saw her in the library again as I had hoped to for months, I had wanted to at least say “hello” when first seeing her, maybe in the corridors but not one sight, now I had to know her properly before she’s lost for ever, I thought. She was sitting down at a 5-sided desk, I sat next to her, she was revising a science subject. When I spoke to her for the first time, I did it with the excuse of an artist. She was so trusting, so caring and kind, something almost non-existent in London (the part I was from, which is why I went to the college there that was so far away from my area). I really wished to be friends already I thought, knowing in my first minute of knowing her how lovely she was, at the very least to know who she was properly and/ but also (later on) give my mind some kind of proof that she isn’t something like what Dante thought of Beatrice: the perfect woman, the daughter of God/ goodness itself which I blinded myself with the idea of how another girl I “fell” for was. To put it simply: I wished to prevent myself from fantasising that this young woman was beyond human goodness because I cared for another who I thought was like that but actually wasn’t. I wanted her to be a model in a project I was working on. I sincerely believe that I got her number in a way that someone in the world does not do so easily unless the person gives it out with a pure mind, free from thoughts of any kind of negativity and mistrust: one like an angel. I must admit that my life changed drastically at that point. Life went on for a day or two, I sent a message of the timetable of when she can be photographed at the studio – she said she’s “Sorry, I can’t commit to this” that she had so much work to do. I sent a few messages back but she was adamant, I let it be after asking in a polite manner obviously “I’m sorry to hear that, but why agree at first?” but no reply to that. Life went on with a disappointment that I couldn’t have this angel be part of my work and couldn’t have a proper conversation with her as a friend. A week or a few went by and I saw her in the library, standing by a printing computer. We shared hellos, she told me how sorry she was and it showed how stressed she was with the amount of work she had, and I told her about how important my art was to me and that I would like to show her maybe one day how meaningful it is, she seemed to like that. I must say every time I was with her things went so quickly because she never seemed to make time for anything but getting things done. Another couple of weeks went by and the next time I saw her I knew I was going to ask to hang out sometime. It was at the library again, of course, I never see her anywhere else on the Earth (that place is going to be knocked down and rebuilt, I was told, if it already isn’t). She agreed with the idea of willing to spend time (as friends obviously), but her work seemed to get in the way, I think. Every time every couple of weeks or a few months that I saw her in the library she was rather willing and quite open to the idea of hanging out as friends but she never called or texted or anything, I guess that showed a lot. I suppose she might not have had the time, or just didn’t want to make it for me. But that thorn in my head that I have buried in my mind so deeply just won’t come out – about how beautiful her being, her mind is. I believe she is perfect because of the certain interactions I had with her that I know for a fact nobody on Earth in this culture would behave as such unless they were some kind of angel in some inherent sense. And now I’m stuck with a great admiration and a great love for that kind of person, although it is that kind of person who had begun to ignore me once I sent a very small but crucial message because I felt that she didn’t _try_ to get close; this: “:'(” on Valentines Day haha it’s funny now but a really sad and hellishly desperate at the same time and at *that* time. Through these long 2 years I send a message or give her a call once in a long while with no reply at all. I do this because I really value her and she knows this in exactly what way because I told her and she was thankful of what I thought of her – I will never contact her like that again. Before ‘the end’ of our interactions I replied to her once when her phone was broken and she seemed very co-operative about it and open like a book “Whatever makes you happy” and she smiled a charged smile and moved like a pampered princess that I was pleased to see happy. Now I am not near her and cannot know who she truly is and am stuck with this idea of her that I am obsessed with – her goodness -, and I value in life goodness above all else. And until this night (I wrote this on: ibrkuy22
MAR 10, 2017 @ 01:00:32) in the early morning I wish to die, because I am not having a successful and forgetful life and I am painlessly dying inside because someone I love is still in my head and will not come to me as who she really is. The longing and admiration in my mind hurts and yet I feel a numb pain from it, one that I have no control over and can’t even cry about, as if it’s stoic in its own nature and platonic in its seed. Platonic for reasons already explained, also since any ordinary man will not be attracted in the least to a face such as hers, thank goodness. She’s probably studying Medicine since last year as she said she wanted to 2 years ago. I’m a jobless young man with a painful-to-bear mind who is studying for 2 different driving licenses and wants to go back to college this summer with no means to support myself with in that way. I found this website this early morning after trying to find ways and chemicals to kill myself with since the thought of her came back to me, alongside the question of whether she is now already with someone else and the hint of was she already? Yes, my admiration goes that deep, of course, why_HOW_ on Earth wouldn’t it?
? REPLY
ibrkuy22
MAR 10, 2017 @ 01:10:25
For the record, so many women in this –c-i-t-y– (the country: England) give me the look that they want me, but I really don’t want them. Isn’t that ironic? I am running away, and always have been, from all the women that some sub-human primate would want whilst I’m praying and walking around looking for the woman with the plain-looking appearance who I let pierce my existence, unintentionally on her part.
Every time I think about it after a short while I just want to cry but I can’t, so why not just die? There are so few wonderful people that I have known that are as or more nicer than Her. This idea I am in love with is the want my for my death.
This was so beautiful to read. I can relate to your story, it’s kind of similar to what I feel for her.
With the difference I know her flaws. She has said them so many times.
And I still love her, as “flawed” as she believes she is. She is so humanly perfect.
Maybe it is wise to forget, after all…
You can try.