I already have the gun, I already have everything I need but… I made a huge mistake.
I started publishing a fanfiction, and now people actually read it, leave reviews and follow it. I feel so so happy and grateful, they really like it! But at the same time, I feel the responsibility of finishing it.
I can’t die and leave people hanging.
I will finish it, for me and for them. Then I’ll kill myself. So I better hurry, because one day my parents will notice I’m skipping classes.
8 comments
“I can’t die and leave people hanging” Sorry, but the got an ironic laugh considering the site were on…
Yeah, I know. It was on purpose ;D
Hey Kamidaka.
Finding something to live for even just for a while isn’t a mistake in my eyes. We’re all going to die eventually either way, whether you have a hand in it or not. If you find something to tide you over for a while I’d say embrace in, lean right into it! You’ve found something that you enjoy doing, and people enjoy reading, would you consider doing more even after you’ve finished what you’re currently writing?
There’s hope in this.
Hey, thanks for commenting c:
And yeah, I like writing. It is stressful, but not in an unpleasant way. It makes me want to become better, keep practicing, make others happy with what I do. And yes, I would love to write more.
But I can’t. It’ll all be over when my parents find out I’m skipping classes. I’ll kill myself right then.
So I better hurry and finish what I’m writing.
It makes me so sad to think about this. I really would have loved to write more.
But I’m so tired.
So so tired.
I’m sorry.
I think we’re all tired here at SP, don’t be sorry.
I read a post from you a while ago and it sounded like you were living in hell. I’m not trying to patronise you or talk you out of anything, I’d be a hypocrite to do so. We are both on this site after all… But if they/current circumstances are your reasons to leave there must be other options and I hope you find a way escape it all that means you’re still here. It sounds cheesy, but this post shows there is hope within you. I think you know that too otherwise you wouldn’t have published the fan-fic in the first place?
Don’t let others take anymore of your life than they already have. It’s tough, especially when it’s so exhausting, but please keep fighting. We’re all much stronger than we think we are when it’s really needed.
Thanks c: but
I tried, I tried so hard to escape. But my parents are powerful people and obsessed with me aka worst combination ever. And after so much pain and frustration from failed attempts and horrible punishments I learned: Death is my only way out. If I run away they always find me, even if I try to go as far as I can. I hate it, I’m a prisoner in this whole world, there’s no safe place for me.
I published the fanfic because I wanted to make others smile the same way others’ fanfics helped me thorough all these years. It’s a wonderful feeling, I feel kind of useful and worth something.
Hey, thanks for talking to me, it really helped me think again of the situation.
“It’s a wonderful feeling, I feel kind of useful and worth something.”
Because you are. And you’re fortunate to have found some way to feel that and use it. It’s just awful that there are others holding you back from that, it’s one thing to be caged by our own minds but by others? There should be a means of escape that doesn’t mean sacrificing everything you are.
I’m sure you’ve tried, but is there any way the police or social services could help?
No need for thanks, anything that helps you find another way. Take care.
Another way out? Kill them, for sure.
I tried going to the police and social services, but it’s worthless. People shut their mouths and get rid of evidence for money, always. And now that I’m 19 social services say I’m not their problem anymore.
I can’t leave my country because my mother has people in all the borders. I can’t work because my parents made a legal document that says I’m not able to. I can’t leave because they always find me. Police works for them, there’s no safe place for me.