“Escapism isn’t healthy!”
Yeah, well, neither is being constantly bombarded with an unbearable reality. I’d rather die deluded and happy than “awake” and a miserable, broken wreck, thank you.
When all else fails, retreat into delusion. That’s what I’m best at, right?
None of this has to be real if I don’t want it to be. I don’t even have to be Kat if I don’t want to be. I can make it all go away, and I won’t ever have to resurface. Everything is going to be okay.
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Escapism is totally fine, if it is experienced in moderation. Yes, you can try to permanently delude yourself, and it will make you feel better. However, nothing will change, and something will eventually force you come back to the “real world”. That comedown will be worse than any other you’ve experienced.
Anyway, on your previous post. Yes, I know you’re afraid of going to Hell, and that’s a big reason for not leaving. However, that and you speaking about yourself in the third person show that you’re trying to avoid suffering. If you wholly and truly believed that you were nothing and worthless then you’d surely not care to suffer, no matter the extent of the suffering?
And if I may ask, can you tell me, in your own exact words, why you’re not worth fighting for or saving? And if I may make an extra request, can you do it in the first person?
I don’t think that doing something in moderation is always the right way. Moderate pain-killers are for moderate pain. This is more than I can handle. I don’t need Tylenol, I need morphine.
As for what you said about me avoiding suffering: I avoid it not out of a love for myself, but because I know it will kill me if I don’t. And as you know, I’m afraid of death.
I’m not really capable of granting your request right now. I’m sorry.
Yes, but morphine is used in small dosages to avoid addiction and death.
Yip, it’s definitely not out of love, that’s taking it a bit far to one point of the scale. However, still, you’re afraid of dying and that implies that somewhere there’s a part of you that wants to avoid bad things and suffering. Following that logic, it implies that some part of you thinks that you’re worth fighting and surviving for.
It’s alright. I understand.
Hmmm. Touché. That’s a very good point. So either I’m wrong, or the metaphor isn’t equivalent.
Well, you’re right about that. The problem is, “I” am not a singular mind. I’m one brain but more than one mind. Which makes talking about this stuff very confusing.
Ah, ok. So you feel fragmented. That would most certainly make it difficult to talk about such things. So, it looks like the most pressing thing would be for you to reconcile those other parts of you, which is obviously far easier said than done. Just remember that in the end, all those “minds” reside in your brain. One singular brain. One brain that you have control over. If you try, you can stack the favor in line with the part that thinks you’re worth saving. O and it’s totally normal to have conflicted feelings. One can on some level feel worthless, but also on some other level, feel worth saving. Being conflicted is part of the human condition, and almost all people go through it.
Anyway, sorry that this is all so abstract and all over the place.
I can’t remember a time when “I” have ever had complete control over my brain.
It isn’t impossible. There’s always a first time for everything. Also, surely there must have been one time in early childhood that you experienced it. At that point in our lives our worlds are small, and we are o so impressionable. Yet, we have moments where we experience a childlike clarity. You couldn’t have been born fragmented.
I wasn’t born fragmented, no. The fragmentation was a relatively recent thing. Only a number of years ago. I’m talking about the “psychosis.” I’ve been like that since I was very young.
Ah, but still, you said “since I was very young”. Thus, you weren’t born with the “psychosis”. You needn’t answer the question, but did the “psychosis” gradually appear, or was it after a traumatic event? If it just gradually appeared, you’ll need a personalized meds mix to beat it. Which would be tricky to get right, as I’m sure you well know. Meditation, breathing exercises, and CBT can also help control it, but it won’t be enough to fully suppress it.
I can’t remember if it was gradual or if it just came on all at once. But I don’t think any treatment will make it go away. I think I’m going to be this way until I die.
I used to think like this. Ignorance is bliss. But in reality, now, I’d rather die standing up knowing full well the state of the world and my own being, rather than on my knees in deliberate delusional, ignorant seclusion. I used to be like that, but then some environmental factors in my life changed and I in response inevitably changed along with it, and am immeasurably better than I was back then, though I still obviously have some problems, I won’t lie, I am here after all. What you need is to get out of the rut you are in.
Red pill or blue pill, Neo? Which do you choose? Do you choose cowardice, or do you choose to thrive?
It isn’t a choice between cowardice or thriving. It’s a choice between pain and not-pain. I choose not-pain.
Pain is an unavoidable part of life. By attempting so fervently to avoid it, you actually cultivate more of it by feeding your depression. The flower that never blooms will never see the sunlight.
Pain isn’t unavoidable. I mean, sure, you’ll never be able to eradicate it entirely, but you can avoid most of it, just by embracing delusion.
You’re clearly in a state of weakness right now. I won’t tell you what to do, I will only say that you are the only person that can lift themselves out of this state, and I hope that you get better. That is all I can currently do to help you.
Yes, I can lift myself out of this state, because this state is self-induced. I willingly choose not to.
What we humans perceive as reality IS a delusion.
Exactly exactly exactly. After all this time, I forgot that reality is a product of the mind. But I remember now.
Why do so many people seem to worship their fallible brains and fallible senses? Why do words like “deluded” have such a negative connotation? Why don’t so many people realize that popular reality is just a shared delusion? In fact, who’s to say it’s a shared one at all? You don’t even know if anyone but you exists.
Nothing “exists” without your permission. You can make any of it go away if you want it to. And if it hurts, then why not make it go away?
This won’t be easy but I can do it. I’m confused, and nothing makes sense, but I’m embracing that.
Yes, our individual reality is a product of our perception. The only way to overcome that is to let go of the delusion that keeps us trapped.
I don’t understand what you mean.
@whiskered fish: “In fact, who’s to say it’s a shared one at all? You don’t even know if anyone but you exists.” What you’re talking about is a concept known as solipsism, the philosophical idea that only one’s own mind is sure to exist. Actually, you can dispel the idea of solipsism through the use of “Occam’s razor” a highly effective principle from philosophy. Suppose there exist two explanations for an occurrence. In this case, the simpler one is usually better. Another way of saying it is that the more assumptions you have to make, the more unlikely an explanation is. Therefore, assuming that you are the only being that exists along with the fact that you are assuming such a conclusion is not egocentric makes two assumptions versus the one assumption that you are not the only person that exists, therefore, solipsism is rendered invalid. You cannot escape from reality. If you try it will only consume you. You said it quite right, you are deluding yourself, but the only way you are deluding yourself is by telling yourself that this will not happen.
whiskered: I was agreeing that we make up our own realities in our minds, and that the only way to see beyond our individual delusions is to let go of them.
@mysteriousvisitor: we can’t. There’s no way to perceive the world outside of your own fallible and untrustworthy lens: your eyes, your brain, you. True reality is unknowable. At least, for now.
Reality,through great dedication and perseverence is perceivable
Not through the eyes though.
I notice that I’ve circled back to some of the things I was told during my episode in Calculus. I don’t know how I feel about that.
This isn’t an episode though. I don’t know what it is.