Hope

I had my annual physical with my doctor today. I asked him how much I could tell him without getting thrown in the psych ward. He said he wouldn’t do that. I told him that I have serious, planned out suicidal thoughts almost daily, but I wouldn’t do anything as long as my dogs were alive which is true.

So we’re going to try Effexor (the generic). It actually worked in the past and I quit taking it because I felt normal and thought I could manage my depression through diet and exercise.

Then I got a call from a former employer about a possible job. I like my work but it doesn’t pay enough, I can’t get everything done in 40 hours so they expect me to work overtime for free, and my manager, her manager and the lady above me but not my actual boss have this little clique. The other 5 people I work with are annoyed with them as well. But I’m grateful to have a job so I shouldn’t complain.

This former employer is a very small consulting firm owned by a husband and wife. They are really good people. Smart, ethical, genuine. A rare find these days. It would not be nearly as secure as my job all things being equal, but it it would be a nice step up salary and responsibilty wise.

It’s nice to have a day with hope. It hasn’t happened in a long time.

I wish I could do something to let everyone here have a reprieve from the hopelessness. You all deserve it.

As always, thank you for this forum and to all who post and make it a safe place and outlet for me.