Head’s A Rattling Cage

Hello. Can’t get her out of my head. This is not good. This is horrible actually. Nothing good can come from this. She might be reading this. Probably not. Who the fuck willingly reads someone else’s suicide blog? My skull is a rattling cage. It keeps rattling and keeps me up at night. I need to overcome this. After graduation I’ll probably never see her again. So what’s the point of feeling this way? I makes no logical sense. It’s strange. Sometimes when I think about it I’m apathetic to the whole situation. Other times I have this deep feeling in my stomach. So which is it? Are the feelings there are not? I can’t even read my own head. Just need to rip it out of my skull. Need to tear it all out. My head is diseased. It gets sick time and time and time again. The results are always the same. I think the worst part was when she told me she used to have feelings for me. That means I had a chance and I wasted it. Like always. What is the point of these feelings? Why do they need to exist? Why can’t I just be detached from all of it? That way it would be easier to blow my own brains out. Just one less thing keeping me here. Then again the biggest hurdle is to stop being afraid when I come close to it. But I think this is a good start towards working to that. Thanks for listening. No one probably is. What does it matter?