I’m a puppet on a string and I must dance. No matter how thin the needles get, I must dance. The slipping knots know not what I want. It forces my head under and drowns it all out. Someone please just answer. Whisker-Fish? Rocketman? SeeSmith? ANyone… I don’t want to dance anymore. The needles poke at my eyes and ears. They stick to my tongue and make me lie. If only I had the strength to end it on my terms. Not theirs but mine. That’s all I want in this world. Why can’t they just give it to me? Why can’t I just take it? It’s right there. It feels like nothing against my neck. Just scrapping. It’s faint and leaves as it comes. Would taking them all make my mind into mush. This room is a hell. It’s walls tighten around me. There is only one escape. The exit is right there. I just need to reach it a bit. Just a tiny bit. One sudden jerking movement and it’s all over. The canvas shouldn’t be left blank. It would be so pretty hanging up on a wall. A representation of all my failings in one neat little space. Would it all just spill out. Like a bucket of water. Flowing and flowing and flowing. Please guys I need you. Please don’t leave me alone. Shattered Iris? Cordless? Anyone. Salt? MindlessGamer? Anyone? AintofGreen? Someone please I need you. I need you to push the pillow over my face and hold it. It’s like a stinging fish. Except it has no fins. Only a tail. The eyes are luminescent. I feel alone. It feels like an empty sort of alone. Not like the sort of alone where you don’t think about it. This is good. I think? I would do the canvas. It will be my mark. I want it hung up for no one to see. In the corner behind a shelf towards the floor. It’s spinning. Like a nice fragrant rose. It’s funny. My whole world crashes in this room but it does not make a sound. I need it buzzing in the ears of them all. Not a pitiful buzz but a buzz that is believed to be nothing. Look at that pretty ice missim. If I could just keep moving it would be fine. Just walk in there and out there and over there and all of where i see. No one is listening. No one is my best friend. No one is a really nice guy. No one listens to me in the dark. I like No one. No one really knows me the best. His voice just whispers in my head. No one will always be with me. No one will never leave me. No one is all I really need. No one is the only one that really cares about me. I feel better.
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Learn to meditate. It is possible to experience these feelings without being ruled by them.
https: // youtu.be/7xAeJKgupPI
I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner, especially considering you asked for me…
If meditation is not an option for you, perhaps you can find something to distract your mind? A tv show? A movie? A video game? Maybe a book on something, pick a subject and see if it intrigues you in any way?
You’re feeling a lot of feelings and it soonds very overwhelming. Slow your breathing. Empty your mind. Imagine all of those thoughts flowing down the river, far far away where they cannot hurt you or affect you. Take a deep breath. Focus of something different. Maybe imagine yourself in your favorite quiet place?
For me what works coming down like that is something old and familiar. I like a musical and to sing along with the songs, which also forces me to control my breathing and focus outside of self.
other than that I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.
Your not alone. sometimes it helps to write down all the things you wish people knew but no one does. although I’m just guessing but i think even if you weren’t alone, you would still feel alone. but I’m here to listen if you want to talk.