Spite OR How The 10% Got Larger OR WTF Just Happened

I think I had a turn around. I want to live. Not because I see the joy in living or that I realized how painful it would be for others to see me go. I want to spite myself. I want to look at that 90% that tells me I want to die right in the eye and say FUCK YOU. I just had a talk with someone. They have a similar mindset as me in regards to something different. They were secure. The same way I was secure with the idea of death. After stepping outside myself and examining it, I realized that I despise the 90%. Not because I want to change or because I finally see a point in life. Simply because I don’t like how big it is. How arrogant it is. It dictates everything I do. The way I look at things the way I feel. I think it should just go and fuck off. If you are reading this, and I know you are, thank you. I wish to help you, but I know that it’s your choice on how to approach it. I will not try to change you. I know that I probably won’t feel like this forever. However I will hold on to it for as long as I can. I am going to live even if it kills me.