I hate people. I just do. Yet I crave companionship. So whenever I try to put myself out there, or make conversation with people, they’re too busy or they get creepy as fuck.
I made more friends quicker in my 5 day stay at the psych ward than in my regular life.
And completely unrelated: I feel the need to tell my mother something and am deathly afraid to. But only having it to myself is killing me and making my heart hurt every day. Fucking complicated situations. They either follow me or I get myself into them. Fuck’s wrong with me
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I don’t click with people, either. I don’t like going out much because I feel like people stare at me.
Yes I relate all too well to that. Even if no one is looking it always feels like something somewhere is watching.
I would be lying if I didn’t say I related that first paragraph.
Learning to socialize has been a life long effort for me and I will not claim to have mastered it either. But I have made some progress.
I’ve always been seen as the creepy one so trying to force myself to socialize…. I think people might notice that I’m actually forcing interaction. I’d much rather just be quiet and observe others.
It’s amazing how easy some people make socializing look. Shake their hand, learn their name, 15 minutes later you know their sexual habits, likes and dislikes, political and religious beliefs, and the names of their pets. And yet, I have no clue. . . when it’s time to chit chat, I feel the walls closing in, air being sucked out of the room.
I’m feeling the same way. I’m just really bad at socializing. And when I want to make friends, it never works out. You should really tell your mother. It isn’t good to keep things inside like that, no matter what she says. You should get it off your chest.
I know… I can only tell her so much and then I just.. I don’t know. I told her I’m going to think about getting out of the country and starting over where nobody knows me.
I envy people who can socialise without stressing over it. Being sat next to someone who’s clearly wondering why you’re not talking is a horrible situation to be in. The anxiety just feeds back on itself and your mind becomes completely blank from severe self-consciousness.
Yup… I’ve been told I remind someone of the type of person that would shoot up a school. Really? I’m just a quiet person. Thanks for making me feel even more like shit.
Next time someone says that to you look them in the eyes and tell them you don’t shoot up schools, you only shoot individuals who say you remind them of one. Don’t let the buggers get you down!