R Fairies Real and Other Ramblings?

(Get to the last two paragraphs, if you want to hear about the fairy)

I have a stupid job interview. Fuck! I don’t want it. I’m dropping out of society. In 11 months, they’ll drop me like a hot sack of potatoes, well this job is seasonal, but even then, I’m going to be harassed and hit on by my co-workers just like most of my jobs. I hate people, hate them. I like being trapped in-between my walls. BTW, I. Don’t. Exist.

I ask my mom for advice because I wanted to do this job for my dad, but then I don’t really want it. My dad either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care about my downward spirals of depression that jobs give me. My mom told me just fail the interview, just act you’re not interested. This is good. That way, my dad won’t know. He’ll think that I tried, and fail, so I going to do what I do best, failing. I’ll fail so hard at this interview, that this manager will be in pain, which I’ll enjoy because I hate managers. “I may be bad, but I do it so well”

Also, I have no energy, no motivation. My body is turning to mush from a lack of exercise, and I’m becoming one with the bed. I feel like I am sinking, and it feels good. Slowly, I’ll disappear. My stupid body nags me to do something because it wants to keep me alive, and sub-consciously I don’t want to be fat, but I am fat, and fat is good because it shortens your lifespan. I can have so much fat on me that my heart will give out. Right now, I can feel my weak cardiac muscles pumping just trying to give me life, but I’m telling them to just stop, just no more. One day, it’ll stop, and I can go out peacefully. Well not really.

My mom sends me out to get stuff for her. I don’t mind because I get a little something. Had an M’M Mcflurry, and it’s better than sex. Had to fill my mom’s vehicle at Sheetz, and I see a sign for positions for assistant managers, and they make a 40,000 salary. I remember talking to my old high school classmate, he worked at Sheetz long enough, and now he’s a assistant manager. Never really went to school because he didn’t know what he wanted to do. I went to school, and I still haven’t accomplished anything. I know, but Blue, that’s because you aren’t doing anything. Yes, I have, and I just keep running around from place to place, still I can’t get off the ground. I feel bad for all those miles on have placed on Jeepie. I can’t even take care of my best friend. I’m actually am not talking to strangers. I write down what I want on a piece of paper to communicate with them, and it’s funny because they think that I’m deaf or something. You should see the expressions on their faces.

I’m a lazy piece of shit, and that’s ok because soon people will want me off this earth.

I keep thinking about this. I seem to have paranormal experiences in my life like I saw a shadow person once. I was walking my dogs at the park, and there’s this stream. I saw a tiny white ball pacing backing and fourth above the stream. Never saw it before. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll believe in ghosts, aliens, shadow people, but not fairies. My head was turned just staring at this white ball still floating above the water, and for some reason my brain kept telling me that it was a fairy. My dogs didn’t care for the ball and didn’t seem to notice it, but I wanted to come up to, but then I got this belief that if I was to go up to it. The ball would disappear, so I didn’t go up to it. I did a little research on fairies, and the characteristics that I describe seem to match expect for the white color. I see animals at the park all the time. I see crows, squirrels, dogs, snakes, and even I saw a fox run out from under a bridge, but never thought that I would see a fairy, but I have an overreacting imagination.

I also read that fairies like to disguise themselves as dragonflies. I remember once that at the park, I saw a dragonfly up close, and it was so big like the size of my hand. It just stood there, and hanged from a vine. This fairy encounter got me interested in wanting to make fairy houses, maybe I can place one by the stream. You just need a glue gun, and collect things from outside.