and I can’t forget him. It’s been 8.5 years but I still can’t move on or forget about him. He was the one for me. And I was the idiot who pushed him away and broke up with him. To this day, that has been the regret of my life. How stupid, how foolish. I’ve never looked back at any of the other guys I’ve ever broken up with. But him, he was the one. He was everything I ever wanted. I never felt about anyone as much as I did for him.
I wish I could simply forget him and move on- who wants to torture themselves? But it’s not a choice. Just like being depressed is not a choice. If it was a choice, 99% of us wouldn’t be here on a site called SP.
I’m heartbroken, even worse *I* was the one who broke up with him, so it’s not even like I had no choice. I chose to push him away. Stupid girl. This haunts me to this day.
5 comments
I’m sorry that you maybe lost “the one”. I guess you can take comfort in that he’s maybe happy wherever he is. And who knows, maybe someone will come along who’ll evoke similar feelings within you. Yes, I know that sounds extremely unlikely, but the world is a random place.
I want him to be happy, but it kills me that he’s not with me. 🙁
I’m a sad, sad potato.
I understand. You’re torn between two directions. Just try to hold onto the fact that you want him to be happy and maybe he is.
Well, well, that sucks. Sometimes we make really big mistakes. Big AND bad mistakes. For the sake of this discussion I’ll posit that he was the one and only human being in the entire world that you would have had the maximum happiness with. OK, that loss is gonna hurt your entire life.
But there is no reason to go on with the shame and self-punishment for all these years, too. Fucking up is not a crime, but you treat yourself like a criminal, a leper, a trombone player. You made a decision based on uncontrolled emotions, or bad logic, or self-destructive parental programming, or maybe the wind was blowing the wrong way that day. Regardless, you were probably doing the best you could at the time. You were driving through uncharted emotional territory with no map and no headlights and you ended up totaling your car. These things happen to all of us.
I’ve made some king hell mistakes in my past and I carried that pain and guilt around for about 8 to 12 years. I finally got so fed up with the feeling of wrongness I took that bitter pill called “learning to forgive myself.” Slowly the guilt shrank away and, holy shit, the pain of those reversals were gone, too. It turned out the shame was propping up the pain long after it should have faded. Well, fuck me… and fuck shame.
To my experience, there isn’t just one “the one.” Regret, however, is a killer.
There was obviously a reason that it didn’t work st the time. Could’ve been that you couldn’t be with him, it could’ve been as simple as you couldn’t share what you were feeling at the time. Whatever the case, you made a decision.
You’re able to move on from a decision you made that you regret. I’ve made thousands, most of them I now chalk up to my mental health issues. I now understand that I’m pretty messed up in the head and take that into consideration when I go to make a large decision. That’s how I’ve grown from wanting to kill myself, at least.
Chin up, the best isn’t behind you, you’ve got unlimited opportunities in front of you. It will take work but fuck, if you want happiness it deserves some work.