I know that “mental hospital” isn’t actually the proper term, but I can’t be bothered to figure out what is. You all know what I mean. The place itself is referred to as a “Behavioral Health Center”, but that sounds patronizing. Almost like they’re too afraid to use “scary words”, or something.
Anyway, I’m planning on going right after the eighth of June, and before the 20th of July, which is my birthday. I’ll probably end up spending my birthday there, but I don’t care. I need this badly. At first, I wrote out some of the reasons why in this post, but then I erased it all. It was a rambling rant that made no sense. Just know that I feel like my brain and reality are falling apart, and I think I’m on the verge of hurting either myself or someone else.
I discussed it with my mother, and she agrees that it’s probably for the best.
I’m honestly terrified, though. I don’t know how to explain why. I just am. But I’m going to try and have courage, for once in my life. Recently, I learned that courage is the only way out of this nightmare. Guess it’s time to put that revelation into practice.
43 comments
You could’ve just said “the looney bin”.
Er wait. Is that politically correct?
Personally, I prefer “nuthouse.”
So you’re nuts, who cares. The most interesting people are.
Don’t feel stigmatized, embrace your nuttiness.
Thanks, but if I embrace my nuttiness, I’ll probably be dead before the end of the year. I need to get help.
Mental institutions are one of those things that’ll always be subject to the euphemism treadmill.
I hope you can find some relief there. I know from other posters it can be a mixed bag in whether it helps, but my fingers are crossed for you. Courage doesnt mean not having fear, just not letting it stop you.
That’s true. That is what courage is.
My head is telling me that they’ll torture me in there. Not my body, but my soul. I don’t know how that sort of thing works, but it’s a scary idea. Maybe they’re lying to me though. I can never tell when they’re lying or not, but I’m so sick of letting them bully me and paralyze me into doing nothing.
You’ve come a really long way and tried all you have known to try. Your instincts seem right. Not sure what other options there. Have you talked to your doctor about this decision?
Admittedly, no, I have not. But he did tell me, a few months ago, to do this in case things ever got bad enough to warrant it.
I don’t know much about this: did you make an appointment to make sure they have room? Is there a consult? or do you just show up and check in? (Probably the latter, I’d think?) I don’t know.
I haven’t done anything yet, except made a single call, and that was just to get some general information. I’m still pretty clueless, so I can’t give you any answers, but I’ll figure things out within the next few days. I’m pretty sure there’s going to be some sort of assessment first.
Idk, maybe they’ll just want your records and set a date. I give you credit. I think you’re right on top of this, you’ve thought about it for a long time, you sound ready. You really do. I hope this works for you and you can start living again. I’ve seen glimpses of you, and you’re worth fighting for.
Wow, I don’t really know what to say to that. I’m sorry, I’m not very good at responding to compliments. But thank you very much, and I hope you’re right. Sometimes I’m worried that there really is no “me” under all of these layers of dysfunction. Hopefully, I’ll eventually get to find out if that’s true or not.
I’ve heard her and she’s wonderful. I’m sure of it, 100 percent,
Will you be able to leave whenever you want, or is there a specific amount of time you have to stay in?
There is no pre-determined length of time that people stay there. But no, I won’t be able to leave whenever I want. I’ll have to stay there until they say I can leave.
It’s very responsible of you to make this decision, if you feel you need it. I don’t think it will be too bad, just be nice to the staff and smile and follow their floor rules as much as possible. They will be kinder to you if you show them respect and don’t argue. You’re allowed to disagree with them, but don’t start shouting or anything (in such circumstances, explain yourself calmly, and directly to a doctor if possible).
Remember that you still have all your dignity if you behave properly, even when you have staff checking up on you constantly, and when you have to take whatever medication they prescribe.
You’ll be there to help yourself, so that’s what matters.
I will certainly behave myself as best as I can.
Best of luck to you. It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing and I hope it helps.
Thanks, I appreciate it. And I hope it does too. It’s basically the only thing I haven’t tried yet.
Do you want to try to explain why you’re terrified?
I’ll sound incredibly paranoid and stupid if I try.
I don’t know how similar Behavioral Health Centers are, but my guess is there is some kind of shared industry procedure for commitments. You’ll probably get assigned a psychiatrist and social worker who you’ll meet with on a regular basis during your time there. They along with others will evaluate how you interact (or don’t) with others and how you respond to your personal treatments. The rest of the time you might meet in groups with various clinic staff who will lead sessions where you’ll talk about your feelings and do arts and crafts.
Good luck, I hope you find the help you’re looking for
You are wise beyond your years. I am hoping & praying for a positive outcome for you.
Thank you, and thank you for your prayers. I’m really going to need them.
Add me to the list of people who are honestly wishing you the best outcome possible.
You and I have been through a lot in our lives, and I respect your choices here.
That means a lot to me, Cordless. Thank you. I hope you’re doing okay today.
You will only spend about four weeks there if you go. You will be out before b day if you go now
Unfortunately, I have to try my best to wait until the ninth.
Hi Kat
I never had a high opinion of those places, but they have their uses. And I hope it will help. You’ve shown a great deal of courage already by keeping on going. And you’ll definitely have enough courage to face this. Good luck
Thank you. I really appreciate your confidence in me, even if you generally don’t like those places.
Going to the mental hospital was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
Good luck if you choose to go in. It’s terrifying. Killed my spirit for sure. I’m dead inside now. Was perfectly fine before. Left hospital with brain damage and gained 70 pounds. Put in there 4 times because of voyeuristic apes.
My experience has been very different to Username123. I’ve been in psychiatric hospitals 7 times now, in as many years. It’s always been a good experience, I was always treated with respect and compassion. So I can only encourage you to take that step. In my country you can initiate this process via your normal doctor, or if you are at acute risk by going to Emergency in any hospital, but ultimately admission is via assessment by a psychiatrist. Whether you have to stay or can leave at any time depends on whether your psychiatrist deems you safe – I think it’s safe to assume that in any country you can only be forced to stay in hospital if there is an imminent risk you might harm yourself or somebody else.
I think it’s the right step you’re taking, and I wish you success and relief and healing from the bottom of my heart.
Yeah well in my case I was never at imminent risk of harming anyone. One time it was my birthday and I was just celebrating my birthday, another time I was selling a phone at a gas station to someone on Craigslist, another time I was looking for a new place of residence. Each time rough handled by police, leave bruises all over me, and verbally harassed and physically abused by employees at “mental hospitals”
I’m not advising they not go, I’m just sharing my terrifying experience.
Well, the fact that your doctor is familiar with the facility and recommended it as an option for you, I think should allay any fears of abuse. And it sounds like you trust your doctor’s judgment in this matter. The nice thing is you have time to research the facility and ask your questions ahead of time.
Based on personal experience, I’d advise staying off medication.
I seriously feel like it has done me very little good, and probably a lot of harm, including long-term damage.
Anyways, best of luck. I like you the way you are, that’s partly a selfish reason why I’m saying this, I’ve had so many friends and acquaintances become unrecognizable on drugs.
I would also advise , they will try to trick you into taking meds but you should never. They will ruin you.
Agreed.
Well, Mus, as much as I appreciate and respect your advice (and as happy as I am to hear from you again), I feel like it’s worth pointing out the major difference between our situations: I am psychotic, and you are not (as far as I know). I can understand your aversion to antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and stuff like that. But someone like me really ought to be on a medication. Especially since it’s getting harder and harder to cope with all of the BS my brain throws at me.
But I understand that you don’t want me to “go away.” And trust me, I’ll do everything I can to make sure that that doesn’t happen. I’m going to try to kill the crazy, not kill me. Hopefully, those two things are separate entities. Hopefully, the crazy is just something that I have, not something that I am. I’m not fully convinced that that’s the case, but it’s worth a shot.
You’ve made a wonderful decision for yourself. I’m proud of you! If you truly feel unhinged, for lack of a better word, a hospital stay will at least clear your head.
Luckily, I was in a good psych ward. It was a unit in the hospital. They didn’t force medicine on me. Actually, anytime I asked for anti-anxiety medicine, they would say “Are you sure you need it?” Sometimes I would think about it and realize I really didn’t.
The staff and doctors were helpful and caring.
They gave me a paper to fill out asking what my “goal” was. I simply said “To be clear-minded”. I ended up there due to a psychotic break from a prescribed amphetamine. I was extremely paranoid about everything so I understand what you’re going through. I just wanted to feel like I could get my sanity back. The place I was in had 3 group therapy sessions back-to-back every day. That was helpful. My roommate was a sweetheart, thank God. After a few days, they let me go because I was doing well. During group sessions, a few people would express their frustration of being there so long. That’s kinda the scary part, you don’t know how long they will keep you. One guy was really angry and I knew exactly why he was still there. The doctors get together in a group to talk about your treament and I bet he was in there angry and yelling, so they kept him longer. Express your concerns, but don’t get angry. Make sure you participate if you have therapy. You should be fine.
You will be around people who are really “nuts”, just focus on yourself and getting better. They will be watching to see how you handle certain situations. One patient there screamed and threatened me in the hall for no reason. I could tell this girl must’ve been there a while. She was a bully. I didn’t say anything back to her, I dropped it. I knew staff was watching to see if I would be the bigger person and not engage. Another reason I got out earlier.
I hope you get what you need out of it what you need.
Btw, they might give you a low dose of an anti-psychotic. I see nothing wrong with that if it makes you stable. Some people here are just so anti-medication. Not every one is the same. There are certain people who actually need medicine.
*I hope you get what you need out of it. 🙂
Your Mom agrees that it is best that you go. Who knows you better than you Mom? I say go in with optimism that this is what your need and that you will get the help that you require. Best of luck to you me friend!!!!