I don’t want be alive anymore. It hurts too much. Everyday, every time I’m thinking in you. I’m thinking how beautiful, how smart you are. How much I used to enjoy spending? time with you. I used spend my days only thinking? how could I make you happy, when I would see you again, what we were going to do together…
Now everything is gone. You don’t talk to me anymore and you probably not even now that I’m alive. It’s just in the past now and is there because I made a poor decision.
For the last 2 years, I’ve been struggling with this. I’ve been trying handle. And everyday it becomes more though. At the beginning I used to have people supporting me, helping pass this. But when the days went by they got tired or even given up from me. My friends start decrease everyday, only remaining the ones I most care about. Now even those are not here anymore. My family also supported at the beginning, but after sometime? they did the same as everybody: “You are not trying hard enough”, ” there are people worse than you. “, “You are using the medications as a support. You don’t need and you must stop”….
I don’t blame them (at least try not), because how someone can handle somebody that’s all the time sad, that is thinking all the time in killing himself, sometimes even he has to fight really hard against the desire of dying.
Everyday day it gets bigger and bigger. Sometimes I don’t think I can hold it. Only cutting myself it is not enough …
I don’t know how much more, i would be able to handle that.