I’m 15 boy and I already thinking about killing myself, I just hate my life, I was molested by my cousin started when I 4 until I was about 12. My girlfriend recently broke up with and she made the happiest person and when she broke up with me I was totally heartbroken and devistated bc I loved her so much and cared for her and always called her beautiful. Now she hates me and makes fun of me. I hate school even more because it makes me more depressed and my parents are constant mad at me for failing school and mad for me trying to focus on a music career but won’t get me anything. Then when I keep looking at my dreams i have so much self doubt at I just hate the fact that I’m so depressed I don’t want to even do something that I love- music. My parents know about me being molested but it seems like they don’t care. My dad didn’t get me anything gifts for my bday. I’m constantly ridiculed being I dyed my hair pink and I get almost no support for it. I’ve tried smoking weed and t helped and then all of a sudden I started to get bad anxiety from it and now I stopped. I am hated for such a dark sense of humor I have and very few friends. I’m constantly called ugly and I’m just fed up with everyone. My peers my parents just everyone. Sometimes my dad and his gf will blame me for petty stuff. I have so much self doubt in my life. My life just sucks and I cry almost every single night listening to lil Peep relating to him. I’m not talented and literally at everything. No one cares that I seem to go thru this of self hate and depression almost every day. I thought of killing myself before puberty. I try to strive thru all my bad breakdowns but each one is just worse and I’m so not motivated to do anything in my life and I may just seem like 15 complaining about my life but idk. I just hate my life and I’m losing my sense to be on earth.
I’m just done and I want to kill my self but I’m scared of death but that lowers after a big break down. Idk what to do with my life and I keep thinking about ending it all
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Im here with you. Im 14, a trans guy. My self hate is giant. I cant even begin to explain. My brother was molested by our aunts and his biological mom, he doesnt talk about it much but when he told my dad, he seemed to not care.
That sucks man. I wish i could say something positive and help you out but we all know what we type here are just words that wont really help with your problem. I understand where you’re coming from. Scars like that leave traumas in our psyche that are very hard to remove and get over from. Have you tried confronting your cousin about it or at least punched him in the face? Why not get him arrested? People like that, who milest kids get their due in prison. At least judtice will be served. Who knows, it might help you recover from your trauma too.
i feel your pain. i do. this sounds like class A depression. things will eventually lighten up. a lot can change in a year. you love music? nice! i love it too. actually, it’s been the #1 thing keeping me alive. you should embrace whatever passion you have. see it a as a gift. and i get the dark humor thing. i have a dark sense of humor too, but there’s nothing wrong with that. just because society disapproves, doesn’t mean it’s morally wrong. your life can and will change, and don’t spend it hating yourself! i’m telling you… self-hate is so cunning and sinister and exhausting. try to avoid social media and television. that’ll likely make you feel worse about yourself. if you need someone to vent to, this is a great platform to do so! don’t bottle up your emotions. they will eat at you from the inside out.
feel your emotions fully. get your anger out. scream into a pillow. go for a run, a bike ride, a swim.
i think having a morbid sense of humor is a way to cope. i think it’s necessary for people like us.
to be able to see humor even in the darker things in life, i think is also a gift. the way i see it, the average person hasn’t been this low, so they’re unable to understand those that have been or are in an incredibly dark place. you don’t have to stay there though. if school gets too rough for you, consider online schooling?
I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to say to you. I’m just going to speak from my heart. My brother molested me when I was 7. When my father found out he brutally punished us both. I’ve spent my life feeling that pain. My parents have chosen to believe it never happened so I didn’t get any help as a kid. As a result I developed a lot of really bad coping mechanisms. For me suicide is the only control I have absolutely. I tried a few times and I wish I could say I’m glad I didn’t succeed. My last attempt was a week ago because my dad told me to “just do it.” I’m not a big therapy pusher. But if it’s done early enough I think it can prevent developing some bad habits as an adult. And they are working on drugs that will alter the way the memory effects you. I’m 30 years older than you and I continue to suffer every day. Try different things (I found DBT the most helpful). The sooner you start seriously working this shit out the better your chances. By the way, my husband left me after 20 years of dealing with my crap and I’m unemployed because I can’t handle any amount of stress. PLEASE don’t be like me. Find something that works for you and get healthy. Do it for people like me. Don’t let the monsters of the world win. It might be too much for you to expose your cousin but honestly, the healing isn’t about the monster any way. It’s about you. Wonderful, beautiful YOU! Every step you take forward (with your education, school, music, self confidence) takes power away from your abuser(s). This might all seem like empty words, but I’ve stood in your shoes for 40 years. And I continue to stand there. I’ve been here so long that I’m paralyzed. Is that REALLY the life you want?
It feels like someone else is also living my life.. everything you said has happened to me.. except the fact that i was molested by more then one person.. first my uncle then my neighbour then my cousin’s husband and now my sister’s boyfriend.. I told my mother too but she shushed me.. telling me to forget abt it.. but i can’t, not when i hate my body n all i want is to die.. but i will not. I will make them all suffer. They need to feel the pain we r feeling.. if you die or i die they will not be punished.. so live and make sure you punch them or kick them btw their legs so they don’t do it to other…i just realise it after reading ur story or few more that there are so many other people like us but they are fighting n now i know i can do it to.. i can live.. n so can you.. i hope you realise it soon..