every year, every month; my life ONLY gets worse. Nothing gets better ever. There is absolutely NOTHING that could make me happy and absolutely NOTHING that could convince me that my life is worth living. I feel like the most fucked up, empty, miserable, depressed person in this whole universe. I keep wanting to kill myself every day, but can’t because I am too afraid of the pain I will feel when I do it. I am absolutely empty, and I just feel so… strange all the time. It’s really hard to explain. I really wish I had the guts to commit suicide. Even if my life will get better eventually, I’d rather not wait another 50 billion years for it to happen. So with that being said, I just want to die; even though I know I won’t commit suicide anytime soon.
every year, since last year I have been struggling on New Year’s Eve. It is one of the saddest, hardest, most pressure-filled times for me. I still remember December 31,2016 and how sad I felt. I literally cried. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life crying every New Year’s Eve. And if something doesn’t change, then it will only get worse, and I just CANT go on like this. If I continue to feel this way, it will get so bad to the point where I won’t be able to handle it, and I actually might end up committing suicide because of it. I’m really scared that that will happen someday. I just want my life to end.
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Be the change you want to have in your life, accept that you are a position that you are unsatisfied, set goals for yourself, and do what you have to do to make your goals happen. It will take time, baby steps, but it will be a step forward. In the event you fail, don’t resort to ending your life, bring your chin up and ask “Now What?” What will you do with that something? In the event you succeed, you reach by asking “What’s Next?” because you won’t settle just yet. You already accepted death, you overcame the fear of life itself, something that even I can’t come to peace with, and with that you can do whatever you set your mind to. Have the confidence in yourself that you have the power to change and BE THAT CHANGE. You can do this.
Why do you think I shouldn’t kill myself? I already said on my post that I don’t care if my life will eventually get better, that I would rather die now instead of waiting forever.