Cutting is easier

I was just like you, I’ve been there and I thought the same. Depression has a mind of it’s own but if it’s not caused by someone in your life, try getting professional help, otherwise you’ll have to consider that you’re not the problem and that perhaps you’re just surrounded by assholes. Who told you that you were a failure?

I’m not that much older than you but 24 is still young, you’re at the very very beginning of life and most people fail a shit ton in their 20’s. It’s almost like a rite of passage. Everyone in their 20’s have no idea wth they’re doing even those who seemed to have it together but only to end up with regrets and start over in their 30’s. Like the saying goes “Late bloomers are like a fine bottle of wine, they get better with age.” It’s never too late to start over, it’s all about your perspectives and attitude. Don’t let your age define you because age is just biological, let your personality and experiences define you. Youth isn’t defined by the vigor of your body but the vigor of your heart and soul. Set short term and small goals and work your way up, one step at a time.

It’s ok, no need to apologize. When you’re upset, it controls you. I’ve been there.

Do you trust your therapist or psychologist? Do they just sit there silently writing on their notepad or typing away on their tablets as you talk about your life and then end it with writing you a prescription? You need to find a new one, because these types are just there for the paychecks and aren’t really interested in helping you. It’ll take some time to find the “RIGHT” one for you where they basically become your friends.

Wow. I’m sorry but you are indeed just surrounded by assholes. Sometimes when you have low self-esteem, you tend to unconsciously seek people opposite of you and they usually are the wrong type of people for you. I’ve been there too.. shitty parents and siblings, backstabbing “friends”, asshole co-workers, and sexist employers. I’ve gone through shit tons of interviews and I suck at them and it made me feel inadequate. I honestly think it’s too old fashioned to be functional. How do they judge a person’s full qualifications from one sheet of history and a 10 minute interview with first impressions, that’s just pure bullshit. Some people can suck at interviews but are excellent at their jobs and they are usually overlooked because of bad first impressions. It’s not your fault, society was built for and by extroverts and introverts like me have harder times fitting in and playing by their silly rules, values, and standards.. but you know what.. I only recently realized, that traditional lifestyle, of going to school and getting a traditional job wasn’t for me. I tried so hard for so long to fit myself into their standards and I was always miserable doing it. I sat there for a long time thinking and thinking about my future choices in career and none of them ever made my gut feel right and only now I know why, I wasn’t meant for that road. That might be it for you too.

You are not lazy. There is no such thing as lazy. You are just unmotivated and depressed. You just haven’t found your inspirations yet, to help you get started on the right direction for you. Everything seems harder when you don’t have a passionate goal in view to inspire and motivate you but you do have one, just haven’t found it yet.

Every one of my peers is currently far more successful than I am too in terms of corporate ladder climbing and I don’t care because that lifestyle isn’t for me anyways. Success is different for everyone, doesn’t always mean being the CEO and owning expensive things. You define your own success. Not everyone fits the same mold so stop comparing yourself to others. Compare yourself to your past self and strive to be the better version of yourself.

Well, that makes you and I both, I used to be old and bitter too. I went through my old blog recently and I sounded exactly like your post, like years worth of complaint and discontent and planned suicide. At that time, I was so deep in the same shit you are in now that I was unable to think and see otherwise and anything positive from anyone just couldn’t reach me because I felt so broken and comfortable in my self-hatred, because I was so used to it that there was a mental wall blocking me from seeing past my problems so it’s okay if you can’t agree with me right now because the me from last year would’ve felt the same as you. No one can change you, only you can change yourself, the only thing people can help you with is to provide you with information and advice and it’s up to you to take them or not. Healing wounds takes time and once it starts healing, things will become clearer and you’ll be more accepting of new ideas and changes. All you need to do is to be kind and forgive yourself and be patient. For me, It took some soul searching and lots of googling and reading self helps and spiritual blogs and articles on and off which slowly helped expand my outlooks on life and gave me so many insights and it took a long time for me to finally get past my “20’s life crisis”.. that was just a few months ago. I feel like I’ve grown a little and I know the me from last year wouldn’t even dream or believe I could get better or see things in different lights and understand so many things I didn’t before and all it took was some patience, time, and self-guidance. Believe in yourself, you are capable of so much more than you realize so don’t be quick to assume your worst because you haven’t seen the better version of yourself yet. Just like windows updates, you slowly patch yourself throughout your life so don’t assume the you now is the last version.

When you feel more “neutral” in mood, come back to this post and try some advice people have given, maybe later you’ll be more open to changing your perspectives because right now, your dark emotions are mentally blocking everything.