Unnoticed

I remember the first time I told someone in person that I had attempted suicide many times. I had just forfeited a debate round and my coach was furious. I was talking off my anxiety with the girl I still love today (4 years later).

I was walking on one of those concrete walls next to stairs outside, this one more tall than usual, personally I’m terrified of falling/heights. So to calm myself down I try to do something that is more terrifying than my thoughts, that’s how I overcome my anxiety attacks. So anyway I’m pacing back and forth on this wall talking to my friend and I just said “sometimes I just wish I’d fall off and die in a freak accident” and she just looks at me horrified (I don’t typically talk to anyone about personal things). She says “that’s not something to joke about” I simply told her that it wouldn’t be the first time I’d tried. She asked how many times and I told her I’d lost count. We left it at that.

I think the things that surprised me the most is that firstly it was actually fairly easy to tell someone and secondly that she had no idea.

Now I started this off by saying it was the first time I’ve told someone; however, it’s also the only time. Every other person never asked. How can someone have had ton of siblings and attempted many times over 8 years and no one notice?

My guess is they did.