You know when you wish for something really hard even though you know it is impossible?
Like having class cancelled the day of a test you’re not prepared for, or your boss calling to tell you that the roads are bad so everyone gets a day off?
Just shit like that, you know it won’t happen but you really fucking need it to happen sometimes. And then it doesn’t happen so you have to go through with whatever thing you really didn’t want to do. That’s me with my life, I keep hoping it’s not really happening. I’m a figment of someone else’s fucked up dream and they’ll wake up and I won’t have to exist ever again. So simple. But that’s not happening so I’m being pushed along through my life even though I really don’t want to be in it. Because I’m hoping against hope that it’s not really my life. So all I have is waiting for the end. And I’m honestly not sure when that will be, but another hope is that it will be soon.
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In my head I’m always saying ‘someone please help me’, but what I mean by that is please kill me.
Yes, I definetly know what you’re talking about. I always hope that I’ll just be taken out of this world… but if I’m here for too long I’ll just have to take myself out ..
I hope that so many times a day, I don’t know why I hope because I know it won’t just happen out of the blue.
I have asked God for help many times and He always has delivered me. But this time I simply do not want to try anymore. I guess I am tired of all these. I don’t want to exist anymore. There are no excuses for me to be on this pathetic dirt ball anymore. The world is better off without me.
Well, I hope your beliefs have brought you comfort. I am tired as well, although I must say, I’m not totally sure that you are right in everything you say. I’m not sure if the world really would be better off without you. Everyone has something, you know?