All my life I’ve had the same reoccurring problem: I have never been able to make my parents proud of me. My relationship with them is almost nonexistent. My relationship with my mom will always be the one that bothers me the most. I can never get any sort of praise out of her. Even when I get A’s in classes and on assignments she always tells me I could “do better if i tried harder”, and this gives me the idea I will never meet her expectation which takes a huge toll on my self confidence and makes me afraid of disappointing others. I have never told either of my parents anything even remotely personal about myself. I live with them and still somehow only see them at most an hour or two a day. Some people never see their parents and I should feel lucky, yet somehow I never do. I will always just feel like a burden to them. They take so many vacations every year together and I’m never allowed to go. When I ask why they say they need a “break from me”. But I will never understand how I cause them so much stress even though if I talk to my mom for over 5 minutes she says I’m annoying and to leave her alone. I’m not really going anywhere with this and I’m leaving out almost all details but I just needed to rant about some things that have been on my mind for almost my whole life.
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Every day I wish my relationship with my parents was non-existent. I wish all the time that I never had to see them again. I have wanted to disown myself since I was 15. And I’m starting to wish I was given up to a foster family or adopted because of how terrible life with them is. I’m trying to move across the country or leave the country. I wish I could attend university in Europe. They keep punishing me for trying to cut contact with them which makes me hate them more and now I see them as just incompetent monsters. I would disown myself from them, but all the courts side with them and treat me like I’m nonexistent or whatever they want to believe I am. They are truly disgusting. The only reason I do not attend university now is because my disgust for them would keep me from being able to do my work. And you can’t learn anything when you are surrounded by unsupportive evil pieces of shit.