I have no will to live anymore, I basically see my life as an object. so easy to get rid of or to break. I cant tell my family because they see it as a weakness as a set back they always tell me just to be happy but how can I force happiness I cant just force a smile on my face, but lately that seems to be all I’m doing. I self harmed a month ago I cried that day because of it but does anyone know, nope well whoever reading this does now. I’m failing my classes because of anxiety, because all I cant think of is ‘are they watching me’ ‘they see I’m fat’ ‘I should not slouch’ ‘he’s watching me’ ‘why didn’t I wear a sweater today they might see the scars’ all these thoughts come in making me fear everyone making me think everyone is judging I cant wear anything to revealing like leggings tight shirts shorts skirts dresses without feeling judged, ugly or over weight. I ran out of class three times since school started because I feel like everyone is watching me or I just feel like I want to die out of nowhere.
I keep thinking about suicide I cant stop, I always imaging my death in a million ways but I finally decided the best way is sleeping pills.
my life is just one in 7 billion what will it matter I wont make an impact on the world I probably wont even make it to middle class.
6 comments
Please don’t do the pills or the slitting our wrist method,
1 you won’t die
2 You’ll mess yourself up for the rest of your life when you’re no longer there.
Please do all of us a favour and seek help. You’re WAAAYY too young to feel this way. This means there’s either a thyroid, hormonal imbalance, maybe you have a mental health condition that needs to be addressed eg, depression, BPD, or (SUPRISINGLY) you may be in the DHD – Autism spectrum which is just a difference in thinking. Please, if your mom and dad don’t find you help, seek a school counselor tell them how you feel, and that someone told you to make sure it isn’t a physical condition tht is causing these thoughts. You ROCK person. ~<3 have a great day.
P.S. SERIOUSLY, slitting and pill popping just messes you up. There's better methods that you shouldn't try either, since you may recover eventually.
Is there a teacher, guidance counselor or someone you can talk to…that you trust? Or a mental health clinic near you? You need help through the panic attacks. If your family won’t help, you need to find someone nearby who has the lower to help you.
You are NOT weak. You are dealing with an illness. Do you have any real friends you can talk to?
Hang in there…..
Has the *power to help you…
Please don’t be mad at them. People cannot relate to things they haven’t gone trough. People who have survived depression can relate to you very well. People are flawed. And that is ok, that is part of life and it is beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you make an impact. What matters is that you become happy. Be selfish and find ways to get help. Don’t think about making an impact or making it to the middle class right now. Think only about one step ahead of you. Make the step so small that it is achievable. Maybe one yoga move. Thats it you accomplished it! Now be proud to yourself! Thats it, second accomplishement, a positive thought!
Hi, I really feel for you, panic attacks are hell on earth and basically an unearthly experience.
Even young children suffer severe psychogical problems due to family dysfunction, problems with friendships, relationships, dealing with abuse and other trauma, or just the ups and downs of life. So my own opinion is that while these mental illnesses may well be triggered by a developmental condition such as ASD, this isnt’ necessarily the case. Whatever the reasons, you really need help and I want you to get as much relief as possible from these conditions so you can enjoy life more and achieve what you’d otherwise be able to do in your studies.
What is the mental health care like where you are? How can you get access to it? This is so important. You sound like you may need real help improving your self-esteem too.
I know this can be hard to figure out when you’re depressed and you feel so detached, but do you have any meaningful relationships with people, anyone you’re close to at all?
I also have severe anxiety, and dealt with extreme emotions on a second-to-second basis whilst in my first stint of further education (at a brick-and-mortar college). I couldn’t deal with them at all or focus or function in a classroom at all and was very isolated.
I personally found I couldn’t get much help from the college, but that was several years ago and even in that time things have change with attiudes to mental health a fair bit, so fingers crossed there might be a bit more in-depth help available to you. But definitely seek help out wherever you can, please try and find someone to support and guide you and help you be persistent in getting the right help when you’ve in a vulnerable state.
If you ever want to talk, and maybe mutually encourage/support each other in various ways, or just if you want to vent, please send me an email at kimonomyhouse90@gmail.com
Best of luck
I have been learning about various new (or as of yet unapproved) medical treatments for clinical depression, such as Deep Brain Stimulation and buprenorphine (which are termed as ‘safe opioids’ and mimik the natural chemical processes where brain opoids are usually released from experiences like human contact, positive relationships etc. So maybe eventually these treatments will prove to be genuinely beneficial in helping depressed people get a ‘step up’ in order to try and tackle the problems that are causing them pain in their lives.
Could definitely be worth trying medications, if you’re not on any already. Can’t say it was an easy ride for me by any stretch, testing out pill after pill, but I think valium might be helping me a bit.