I have been yelled at for “breathing too loud.”
I have been yelled at for “chewing too loud.”
I have been punched for walking into a room.
I have been punished for the rare occasion of having a smile on my face.
I have been beaten countless number of times for absolutely no reason.
I have been told I’m not their child but was “found in a garbage can.”
I have been told every day that I’m worthless.
I have been told every day that I’m a useless piece of shit.
I have been hated since birth.
All I know is hate and anger and jealousy from everyone since I was born.
I’ve been treated like a pile of poop.
I tried living a normal life once I got away.
But how do you get away from yourself??
Decades of self-help books and videos and whatever else, and this is the result- still broken and hopeless. And when you are broken / fucked up / depressed, you wind up being alone, because who wants to be with someone that’s broken / fucked up / depressed? Then you become lonely and more depressed, because you are alone.
You try to hide it. You wear a mask. But that mask has cracked.
I’m fucked up for life because you all treated me like shit since birth.
Thank you. Thank you for being the pieces of shit YOU all are.
5 comments
Wow. This is powerful. A lot of it resonates with me. Thanks for posting this.
Looks like you have a real knowledge of things in your life. That’s important…I think. Now that you know what’s sticking in your gut, maybe you can take it out? The first step, maybe, is seeing. Nice work. Maybe those video, books and whatever help a little?
Being self-aware isn’t exactly a good thing. If you are aware, you cannot be ignorant. And there is truth to the saying ignorance is bliss. If I could choose between being ignorant and happy, and aware and unhappy, then my dear, give me the damn blue pill. I’d rather be ignorant af and happy af.
There is no “cure.” None of the self-help books helped. The only thing it showed was that others feel that way too. That’s it. There is no “step 2.”
As I become more aware I am getting less tolerant of assholery and less able to defend against depression. Those “pieces of shit” ruined your life and perhaps my “pieces of shit” ruined mine. Same here on self-help books and tapes. If some much needed blessings don’t come my way I may be thanking the “pieces of shit” for an early exit. “hated since birth” – me too.
“As I become more aware I am getting less tolerant of assholery and less able to defend against depression.” -Yep